Turning 40

I'm turning 40. Forty. Four zero. This is happening in a few weeks. I did the maths the other day but screwed it up, so will just say whenever it's 5:13 PDT on the 29th, I'll officially celebrate my 40th year and start my 41st year. I am old.

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but will just mention a few of them because ain't nobody got time for rambling. I certainly have other plans anyway. (My Sims 3 addiction needs some nurturing.)

Salon has an article about my generation going through a midlife crisis here. I read it and was like, huh. I don't feel middle aged. I certainly don't look it since I keep getting carded. I think I may look like I'm up to 26 or 28 now, if I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I'm not in a midlife crisis, although on account of the turning 40 thing, I am examining my life as lived so far and weighing it with things I'd still like to accomplish. Long story short, I've been through an awful lot, and the best is yet to come!

You can stop reading now if you want to skip the details of all of that. Just sayin' since we're all pressed for time all of the time. Seems like that, anyway.

The article mentions that us Gen Xers don't really hit a wall of midlife crisis - we have crises throughout. I guess I can see that, although I've had crises throughout my life so far, not just this allegedly middle part. Let's see.... bad stresses and good stresses would be:

- my mom died when I was barely 15
- I had my first broken engagement at 20
- got married at 21
- got divorced at 22
- was diagnosed with endometriosis at 24
- got put on 2 meds for familial hypertension (thanks dad) when I was 25
- had my second broken engagement at 25
- remarried at 28
- was diagnosed with costochondritis and fibromyalgia at 28
- was tentatively diagnosed (not definitively via biopsy) with IgA nephritis before an actual factual diagnosis of stage 2A grade 3 triple negative breast cancer at age 30 (and I don't have either BRCA mutation!)
- my dad died when I was 32
- was diagnosed with gastritis, gastroparesis, an H. pylori infection (NOT FUN AND THE CURE WAS HORRIBLE), and Sjogren's Syndrome at 36
- had to quit working completely at 37
- went through 2 rounds of SSDI rejections (even though Sjogren's is on the list of "you're disabled if you have this because it sucks that much") but then was able to start working full time again (thanks to Deplin, Savella, and modafinil) at 38
- endured Very Interesting Job Things and family issues throughout all of this

I guess those would qualify as at least minor crises, huh?

Me unedited after a really great 80 minute
table massage this evening. So happy!!

At 39, there's still some weirdness going on, mainly with some eyesight issues but I get a recheck in November. I'm also going to ask my rheumatologist (assuming I remember next month) to check me for dermatomyositis and hypermobility syndrome, since that combo would explain both some skin issues plus my continually occasional rib subluxations (from the combo of muscle stiffness and loose joints).

You know, even with all of that, I still look awesome and way younger than my chronological age, or so everyone keeps telling me. Booyah!! I am pretty resigned to being carded for the rest of my life. I guess I don't look like I'm about 40 in that pic of me from tonight, but Awesome Massage Therapist kinda rubbed all of the makeup out of my face, so whatever. I really need to make myself get massages more often. I got in on the monthly Massage Envy prepaid deal the other year before the prices went up, so I really should keep that going. Guess I'll have to discipline myself with relaxation.

The Salon article mentions that "Xers are still in full construction mode" and that's really true. Hubby and I are consumed with our separate artistic interests (mostly graphite drawing for him though he's been dabbling in pastels and inks and other stuff; photography and writing for me). We're also unlike a lot of people our age in that we're happy to intentionally live in a nice apartment instead of a house because 1) we'd rather let someone else take care of home maintenance issues so we can do what we want to do, 2) property taxes are crazy stupid high here, and 3) it'd be nice to live outside of hot sweltering Texas one of these years so portability for the win! We also have no children, pets, or plants to worry about, although we've talked about caring for some sort of critter(s), like maybe a cat (Abyssinian for him, Nebelung for me) or dog (Scottie for him, Samoyed for me in a way less hot environment), or bunny, or guinea pigs (he misses his), or iguana (I miss mine!) or bearded dragons (I miss those too).

Hot flashing in Sept 2010. I was having a great
time with friends but this was NOT FUN.

It's nice being pretty unlimited with home things and critters not tying us down, but my health issues limit me more than I'd like. It's not really as bad as it used to be though, mainly as I'm much better at pacing myself these days. I can push myself at 75% of my previous full steam because I'm stubborn, plus the new med combo has helped me to work a 40 hour week for over a year now. I wasn't able to do that for the five years prior. I'm also really ecstatic that I haven't hot flashed freaky bad in a long while, thanks to realizing that the BCP I took non-stop for endometriosis was putting me into early menopause which got increasingly frighteningly worse each year. Seriously, looking at some old pics of me drenched in my own sweat in not hot weather is such a bummer, especially with remembering how drained and continually worn out I was, but I'm so glad I'm past that crappiness!! Yay for better living through chemistry!!

Full construction mode now is making me so happy since these days I'm surrounded by even more artistic people. What am I constructing? Eh, several books, a screenplay, eventually some music but definitely some photoey things soon, and who knows what else. You'll just have to pay attention and see. In the meantime, you can check out the awesome nerditry I help with via SCNS Live, now powered by Cinelinx!

"My wedding ring is off. Woo hoo!!" and other recent thoughts

Don't panic - I'm still married to the same guy (and if all goes well I will be getting something very shiny on our 11th wedding anniversary next weekend....unless I cave in and go before then for a test drive and the car dude I've been emailing with for two months smooth talks me into getting what I want to get that day but I'mma be so busy I don't know, and this weekend we're busy when they're open and they're closed when we're not and I'd rather have hubby there for "guy presence" in case the dealership guys try to take advantage of my fragile womanity... woo, tangent).

See, the Weight Watchers thing has been going fairly well, and after 120 days I've been plateauing at the 16 pounds lost mark. The last few weeks have been like .6 pounds down, .2 pounds down, 1 pound up, .6 pounds down, but I was sick one week and overcompensated last weekend due to having an appetite again, but I'm trending back down so hooray there. I've lost an inch off my belly, 3 inches off my hips, 1.25 inches off my thighs, 1/2 inch off my chest, a cup size off my boobs, 1/4 inch off my neck, and NOTHING off my arms. GRR STABBY with the arms but overall, not too shabby.

So yeah, the other night I was able to remove my wedding ring for the first time in 3 years, and I was pretty thrilled about it. I thoroughly cleaned it and noted that the inscription I got on the inside about 3 1/2 years ago was totally different than the one I thought I'd gotten (I didn't match hubby's inner inscription at all and I thought I did - whoops). Naturally, I put it back on after 5 minutes because the last time this happened, my fingers swelled up again, and sure enough, I can't get it off now, no matter how much I try to shrink my fingers with icy coldness. It's nice to know that the body is rearranging the real estate here and there, anyway.

In other news, I need to catch up with a lot of things, and I've been pondering about several things recently....being a different person over time, why rules exist, and how I'm going to branch out the brand of me. Branching out is pretty much figured out - one branch for health and wellness things, one branch for ottery things, one branch for writing things, one branch for photography things, and one branch for my general weirdness. I want to do some pretty expansive things in each of these areas, and I have a road map for where I want to go in each place. Laying down foundational groundwork has been taking up a lot of my energy the last few years, but I'm about at the point where I'm ready to cement all the bricks and cobblestones together and get to building up already. It feels like birthing a whole family at once.

Thinking about how people evolve over time has been intriguing me lately. Tonight hubby and I went to the place I worked at a year ago (he had an artist meeting for this neat commission he's doing), and thinking about how different life was and I was a year ago made me smile. I felt like crap from the Sjogren's, fibro, endo, not working, and being frustrated with the SSDI application process, and I was so grateful to get a church gig filing music and helping with orchestra books for 5 hours a week. Now, I've been able to work at least 40 hours a week since February/March (when I started on Deplin and Savella), I feel much better with the current twice-a-day drug parties (with the current prescription meds and supplements), and I haven't bothered to worry about disability since being able to work again (btw getting lots of health records for the third application round after being denied twice was pretty amazeballs).

Recently I thought about the notion that each cell in a person's body replenishes at such a rate that we all have a new body every 7 years, and thinking back to where I was 7, 14, and 21 years ago really wowed me, with noting aspects of my personality that have changed and aspects that have stayed the same and deepened. 21 years ago I was a freshman in college.14 years ago I was going from a broken engagement to another relationship. 7 years ago I went from the field of Catholic liturgy into the field of hospital-related disaster preparedness. Everything that I've been has been burbling and simmering into a lovely stew of sorts, and I feel almost congealed enough to be put in a mold and cool and set like flan. Except instead of being flan, I'd be building on all the foundations I've laid along the different branches of my life path. (Also, I would eat the shit out of the flan before it fully set. I'm just sayin'.)

The rules thing has been turning over in my brain for the last few days. Hubby said that rules are for when there are problems. He thinks I have a problem with being on the computer a lot. I have made it known on Facebook that I have a Sims 3 addiction, but I'm not so addicted that I'm playing 24/7 and forgetting to be hygenic and losing my job. I instituted a rule for myself that I won't play start playing Sims 3 after 10pm on a school night because I will lose track of time while playing and it'll be 2am before I know it. (Had to put in that clarification because this only applies to starting to play, not actually playing past 10. I was trying to hurry while writing this.) I usually don't get tired until about 1:15 am anyway but I'm like that whether I play Sims or not, so really, not a solely Sims-related problem, and I haven't broken the rule at all. Thing is, with being an introvert, I require more alone time than most people to replenish my energy (hubby's even more of an introvert so he gets that), and with having plenty of chronic autoimmune crap to deal with after I get done being distracted from how I feel with the mindbogglingly amazing days I have at work, I require even more down time than before, so hey, I tend to do what I'm doing for a good long while, and it happens to be computery things, whether Sims or photography stuff or reading online or Facebooking. Wow that was a long sentence.

He has a rule of "no Oreos in the house" because he will eat them all and then throw them up. That is a rule because of a problem. I maintain that rules can exist without necessarily having a problem attached. Like, there are road rules for people because established standards of how to do things is important. Yes some people have problems associated with driving, but that's not why the rules exist. The rules exist for safety more than they exist for problems. (Well, that's how it seems to be to me, anyway.) Weight Watchers has the Points Plus system for people who have a problem with food, BUT it can also be seen as a lifestyle change by people of any weight, so it's really the same as adopting new established standards for safety (health) reasons. Am I bullshitting myself with thinking this way? I'm not sure. I'm food enabled (breakfast and steak and chocolate and Chinese and Mediterranean especially), but I make better choices now and the effect is pleasing me and making me healthier. I also know musicians who know the rules of music theory and proceed to break them to... still... create music. A former occasional coworker of mine taught me to "know the rules, use the rules" and that's served me well a lot of times. So rules... are problems necessary to have them? I don't think so, but that's just, like my opinion, maaan.

Ishri Devi with her pregnant unicorn Shanti.
I love this game.

Ooh, it'll be 10pm soon. Off to the land of Appaloosa Plains, where the Sim I'm currently playing with (an incarnation of Lakshmi) is expecting one of her unicorns to foal any minute now. The foal may or may not be a unicorn as the father is a regular horse, but I'll see soon enough.

UPDATE - I know the  adage of "rules are made to be broken" is held by some people. Breaking rules usually results in non-pleasant consequences. I am totally okay with breaking SOME rules if the consequences are such that I can deal. Like, uh, starting to play Sims 3 at 10:03 last night, breaking my rule for the first time, knowing the consequence would be me starting my next day with a lack of sleep. Sure enough...but I'll deal. Because I'm a big girl. And I know better. :) Also, the foal was a unicorn, and since I'm going to be picky with breeding for this game, the unicorn foal went back to the wild (disappearing from the game forever). I have one Sim with 4 horsey creatures and only 6 beings are allowed in the household, so it's breed until I get a foal that I like, then put one regular horsey parent up for adoption so I can breed another foal, etc. So now I've put one up for adoption, adopted a different horse, and will be playing with breeding next time too. But as Carl says, "It don't matter. None of this matters."

It's been surreal....

Actually, life has been getting back to a normal state of weirdness lately. I'd blog more about it but 1) I'm tired and only got 4 hours of decent sleep last night, 2) I do not want to harsh my zen, and 3) these pics pretty much sum things up, except for the bazillions of photos I still need to go through (omg 360+ GB, I am not joking). Pics are small here because I'm being perverse with the not-wanting-people-to-gank-and-embiggen. Well, kinda. They're small mainly because I don't want to mess with post-processing, because I'm detailed and picky ('cos I'm a Virgo) and I don't have time for it but I still want to share and... well, here.

Here fishy fishy fishy...

This is not my dog. He's awfully funny sometimes.

I so almost bought this. For reals.

Screenshot of a highlight I made on my
Galaxy Note while reading in the Kindle app.
Only a year left in my contract before I
get the iPhone 6. I love the G-Note except
I'm too busy to mess with the intricacies,
plus the keyboard makes typing awkward.

Our resident hawk. He'd just flown up here.
He doesn't like hip hop. Not from booming cars, anyway.

It took me three weeks to pick up a registered mail package.
Three. Weeks. Of not knowing where it was, and of general
incompetence from postal workers. This love note was written
and dropped in the inside mail slot during week two's visit.
Oh, and I did drop off my orange card. After I took photos
of both the front and back of it. Grrr. Stabby.

Fit Fish (blackened rainbow trout) at Fish City Grill.

I got your PointsPlus right here, pally!

So... three months on the job and I'm happy that I've not gained any stress weight. In fact, since I still have stress weight from the last two jobs plus gained poundage from years of medication roulette, and since I like the idea of "1) here's how you calculate points, and 2) only eat so many points a day to lose weight," I'm doing Weight Watchers At Work. (Yes, I'm doing this through my awesome workplace in a supportive group setting, and I have to say, the stresses I have there are familiar yet somewhat unfamiliar, and I definitely do not want to let the stress go to my thighs and arms again!)

So far, so good. Today was our three week weigh-in and so far I've lost 6.2 pounds. I'm not drinking Dr Pepper as often but I am drinking the shit out of diet 7up, diet Sprite, and diet Sierra Mist (and the dSM strawberry kiwi is impressing me). I'm not doing much exercise because of post-exertional malaise (thank you fibro and Sjogren's for the lovely uber-fatigue) but we found an elliptical that doesn't make my creaky knees hurt and I'm working out on that as I'm able. I also go down and up at least 6 flights of stairs a day so that's helpful.

Things I've learned from the first 3 weeks of Weight Watchers (because there's always something new to learn even with already knowing a ton about nutrition and healthiness and all that):

- Following the PointsPlus thing is really freakin' easy, especially with the handy special calculator. For fatigued and sometimes fibrofogged and somewhat lazy me, this rocks.

- Some of the proprietary Weight Watchers food is actually pretty good. I'm loving the mint cookie crisp snack bars, chocolate pretzel snack bars, bbq chips, and chocolate swirl cookies something fierce, although I'm definitely looking for popped bbq chips when grocery shopping since it's a lot cheaper. The snack bars are literally two bites worth of food, but that's really all that's needed for a quick snack since these are kinda dense and taste more rich than they look.

- Feeling deprived means you're doing it wrong. It's all about choosing what to eat, and when. Today for breakfast I had morning meds, a vanilla Chobani, and coffee with almond milk at 7:30 am. For a 9:50 am pre-two-meetings-in-a-row snack I had a mint cookie crisp bar. For lunch at 12:45 I had four slices of honey deli ham, 1 slice of colby jack cheese, and 1 tbsp of light Miracle Whip on an everything thin bagel, along with 15-16 French onion Sun Chips and some diet Sierra Mist. For a why-am-I-still-at-work snack at 5:40 pm, I had a chocolate pretzel blast bar. For dinner at 6:45 pm I had some strawberry kiwi diet Sierra Mist with a SmartOnes ravioli florentine, followed by 30-32 Sun Chips (harvest cheddar and french onion) and evening meds. I don't feel deprived At All. Points-wise, this takes up my 26 daily points and 9 of my 49 point slush per week. (It actually takes up 11 points but I had 2 activity points and traded those for food points. For me, 10 minutes of low intensity activity equals 1 activity point, and lotsa stuff counts as activity.) If I feel hungry later on tonight, I'll have some apples or cherries or grapes. Actually, cherries sound kinda good right now. BRB.

- A sushi roll is generally 12 points (3 points per 2 roll slices). Nigeri is better at 3 points per 4 nigeri. A hibachi filet mignon meal at Benihana (includnig veggies, soup, salad, etc.) is freakin' 27 points. I could splurge on that if I wanted to but yikes.

- Nuts are from the devil, y'all. Holy bajeebus. I'm way better off as a steakaholic!

- I generally eat healthy anyway, but now have a better idea of how much I go overboard when I know I go overboard. Like when I splurge on the coconut shrimp at anywhere. Or use as much olive oil as I'd normally use for any kind of stir-fry.

- I've totally missed out on incredibly indulgent eating, thanks to combinations I've learned about from coworkers. The french fries in a Frosty thing I knew about, but not the breadsticks dipped in alfredo sauce.

- I'm kind of an emotional eater in that I'll graze a lot and not really care about how much I graze, especially when I'm bored. When I'm upset, I go for either dairy (which usually makes my gut protest all violent-like) or fatty (nuts or the aforementioned coconut shrimp). Otherwise, if I'm really upset or in the zone doing work or focused on whatever, I'll forget to eat.

- I've tended to not remember to eat lunch until around 2pm for many years. Now I'm straight up eating lunch at 11:30am some days, by 12:45pm other days.

- I've been really pissy the last few days, wanting to eat a ton of anything in sight because my metabolism is currently ramped up, but yay for apples and carrots. Apples and carrots (and Sun Chips) are delicious.

- I'm totally getting a ton of protein-filled yumminess the next time I shop for groceries. Mmm... bison. Speaking of protein-filled yumminess, it is possible to go to Babe's Chicken House and eat only smoked chicken and a little bit of corn and come out absolutely stuffed and satisfied. Their smoked chicken is what we had for Thanksgiving or Christmas last year, or was it the year before? I dunno. I don't care. It was totes worth it.

In other news, fibro/Sjogren's flares from summertime really suck, photography is happening in bits and pieces, my Sims 3 addiction is still in place, and I have a good start on a screenplay I've been asked to write. It'll be a docu-fiction, and I'm really amazed that there's not been a movie done about the particular era of time I've chosen. The setting combined with the perspective of the person with the brilliant story idea makes me want to get it written as quickly as possible so no one else ganks the awesomeness. Seriously, I don't know how this isn't already a movie, and no, I'm not even mentioning general details since omg this is not going to be ganked from me!

And now is the time on Sprockets ven ve danz! 

Dammit, Linsanity should refer to ME!!!

NOTE: This is gonna take a while, so you might want to get some snacks.

Seriously, go get some snacks. I'm rambly in this post.

NOTE TWO: This also gets a bit TMI, so if you're squeamish, just skip the paragraph that starts with me rambling about being on Cipro. Or stop with the snacks then. You're welcome.

Why that title? Because within the last month and a half, I have not only lived more non-stop than I have in 10+ years, but have also been *able* to live more non-stop than I have in 10+ years.

See, I've dealt with fibromyalgia and endometriosis for 10+ years now, plus have been married (to the same guy!) for 10+ years, and life is greatly improved back to back in the day thanks to new meds and supplements I won't bore to list (except to say praise Shiva for NAC plus the serious cost-effectiveness of generic Deplin and Provigil).

So guess what's happened in the last month and a half?

Let's see... started new awesome job a week and a half before their centennial annual meeting (and fiscal year end, and if that's as stressed out as everyone gets at once then I am hella set as soon as life simmers down)....

Wait a sec. I should probably mention that I haven't been able to work a 40 hour work week since two jobs ago, since before I went to part-time in May 2007. (Yay for better living through chemistry!) I should probably also mention my fifth interview for my new job (phone, panel, boss, HR, boss's boss) started with getting to know some lovely women in a kinda cramped and stuffy restroom over 45 minutes while waiting for some tornadoes to pass overhead. (Everyone who was in there that I saw on my first day even remembered me when I was introduced around the building!)

I've also had the usual May Routine Doctor Appointment Slam-o-rama, except this has been freakin' nutso, even for me. Tomorrow will make the 11th appt in 4.5 weeks. This doesn't sound so bad, except that since I'm new, I can't take any accrued time off until mid-October (my six-month mark), and I'm getting to make up all the time I'm missing by staying late most days. (My new boss is so generously awesome with that, and with letting me adjust my hours to 8:30-5:30 because the stupid Sjogren's/fibro fatigue is so unpredictable and it's so much worse in hot weather and it's been 94ish for some days now and I get more puky than usual since I'm on Cipro... woo, tangent.)

Imagine, if you will, already trying-to-stay-not-so-fatigued me working a full work week, trying to keep working a 5 hr per week part-time job (and having to give that up, boo!), and seeing my primary care PA and rheumatologist and dermatologist and eye doctor and boob surgeon plus seeing some wonderful guys who work me with Active Release Techniques and sports therapy exercises in a non-woo evidence-based chiropractor office many many many many many times for the usual ribs popping out from new desk ergonomics and running way too non-stop in life. With a few evening massage appointments thrown in to help with the A.R.T. and chiro stuff. All within four weeks. While working extra to make up time. And learning LOTS of things on the job and making forms and tools to help me learn things. And I have eye doctor part two tomorrow.

Yeah, Linsanity should DEFINITELY apply to me more than that tall asian guy, dammit. One of my friends commented that it sounded like I was being chewed up like a dead hooker in a wood chipper. I thought this was pretty apt, except it'd have to be after being sliced and diced by my pimp. For reals.

Oh, and last week a relative in my immediate extended family passed away and I wasn't able to go to the funeral or graveside. I'd only seen him twice over the last 6-7 years but I have some great memories of him from when I was a wee bohemian, and he's very missed. I also had to officially give up (for now, dammit) my part-time job full of awesomeness that I'd missed doing for 6 years. Not only am I once again out in the liturgical cold, but I don't get my weekly dosage of awesome gayness. (There is fabulous gay, and there is awesome gay. I'm so friggin' sad about this, y'all.) Not only that, but working there helped me to realize that it was still possible for me to work and be productive in spite of craptastic health crap, and that did wonders with boosting my self-esteem and morale while faghagging. (There is also a definite probability that in the near future, previously kinda mentioned immediate family will meet up with other awesome gay in a business venture, so that's something I'm looking forward to when I can think about having energy again.)

Did I mention that I was in the presence of The Surgeon General of the United States on the same day I was in the presence of The Bloggess? Yeah, that was flippin' sweet! I'll have pics up someday. Check back around Yule. I might have something up then.

Oh yeah, breast cancer recurrence scare. I'm 8.5 years boob cancer free, and the type I had was stage IIA T2 N0 M0 grade 3 triple-negative. The last .5 year has been interesting with surprise spontaneous unilateral discharge (natually on my affected side) and ductogram and Aurora MRI, and let me tell you how amazing it is to talk with health insurance people when it takes 10 referrals before they, ahem, you find a place that does the special MRI that's needed, which was the place your surgeon's office tried to recommend in the first damn place the week prior but they would only talk with you instead of your physician's office. Also, let me share how spectacular it is when 15 different sets of customer service agents in various departments (Claims, I'm looking at you real hard) can't find your certificates of coverage that have been on file for more than a minute. All of these people are special in a really special way. (Note to self: make sure those idiots paid my pcp from that appt last May.)

(And that's special, not special. As in the state of being distinct, not the designation of a species.)

(Yes, my brain is a little tired. It's the feeling-like-crap from Cipro and adjusting pill-up times to avoid taking it with anything calcium/magnesium/aluminum. I couldn't even soak in epsom salts tonight because of my near-shortsightedness.)

Oh yeah, I'm on Cipro (TMI alert; skip to the next paragraph unless you like reading about bodily fluids) because the lump under my arm that I'd noticed that was alarmingly adjacent to a boob cancer scar almost two inches long thankfully turned out to be a sebaceous cyst (which is now an inch long but finally disappearing, yay). And because my boob discharge was alarmingly green after months of being strawish-clear. And because I have my first UTI in a very long while and it suuuuuuuucks. But finally, the Cipro is working because I'm back to strawish-clear boob ooze and starting to feel better while incredibly puky. I was quite pleased to hear from my cancer surgeon that (thanks to my photography) I'd documented the best case scenario for non-standard boob juicery, with it being green and coming out of multiple ducts (like 8 or 9 at the same time, this one time, which was freaky, and I know this because I was reading while sitting naked under a ceiling fan after a shower and noticed the dried evidence when I next saw myself in a mirror).

Oh, and I am apparently aging faster than I should, since my eyes are doing things that should be starting a few years from now, and I'm apparently in perimenopause now with all this gunk, so yay. I'm really flippin' old for 38. I'll be 39 in late August. And 40 next year. OMG 40. Next year. Hubby just turned 37. (Yes, in a row.) Last week. I'm old. Okay, happy thoughts needed stat so here's some nerd love.

In really happy news, I'm so pleased (and many many other adjectives) about season 3 of The Variants. (OMG dudes, they have a Wikipedia page! Someone should add Joe as a producer sometime. Just sayin'.) Hubby and I helped make season 3 happen via Kickstarter! I'm also excited about the upcoming Stella B. and the Busted League and really happy to see The Untitled Super Cool Nerd Show on air. Dallas totally rules the nerd landscape, you people. I'd go on about Dallas Comic Con and other stuff but nah. I'm off to play Sims 3 and calm my mind a little, since my brain is tired. The game I've been playing for the last month or so is in Hidden Springs, and the local unicorn had a habit of showing up at my sims' home until it got adopted, and one time when one sim was fishing, the other came by to hang out since the unicorn was there, and they both got blessed by the unicorn, and they were already engaged so they decided to have a private wedding, and so now I have two very happily married (and hot) lesbian sims with two dogs and a stray cat that adopted them plus the unicorn which was totally cool with joining the household. My Sims are honeyadventurooning in France right now. Gotta keep them away from that damn cat. I swear, that cat is so cute that they play with it instead of going to sleep or eating or whatever. Stupid cuteness.

You know, I'm not even going to bother reading over this and editing anything. 'Cos I'm Linsane, y'all.

Okay, I changed my mind and added a few links, and while proofreading my husband asked me if I was on a Mormon site.

Whaa?

Because he saw the flowers, and he thinks that Mormon websites are apparently full of flowers. Excuse me, *I* took that photo in the background (and he knows this and he knows I'm not Mormon), and it's all watery reflection of trees and non-blossoming lotus paddery so Not Full Of Flowers. I told him he was mean. Because I'm cranky. And need to be playing Sims 3 for 30 minutes before bedtime. And need to be taking my evening meds with a nom glass of Silk Dark Chocolate Almond Milk because screw Cipro, it's time for calcium. Mmm.... meds.

Also, please don't take that as a slam against Mormons. I've had Mormon friends since high school plus we have a Book of Mormon somewhere on one of our bookshelves (along with a Qur'an, the Jefferson Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, and other sacred scribblings), so don't start any shit. Thanks.

Swamped yet happy.

I'm still figuring out my phone. I need to dedicate a whole day to it, whenever I have a non-splintered day. Will blog more sometime soonish but thought I'd casually mention that there are 15 outstanding things I need to do for people and I'm aiming to do them all by Sunday, since I start a new job on Monday. Also, I'm reaaalllly excited about this place and think I'll fit in well, since - ohcrapIgottagogetmyhairdid!

Yay, more incompetence!

[Warning: bloody photo ahead after the AT&T stuff, so if you don't want to scroll after the long story short, just know I'm doing well after a minor kitchen accident. I could use some ice cream though.]

I am so pissed. I talked with a great lady at AT&T to verify that the former home phone number, which is now a wireless number, is set to be an additional line in my FamilyTalk plan instead of as an individual line due to incompetent setup last month. It's flipping at the next bill cycle and all charge adjustments have been made, so wicked cool.

Then I talked with a total asshat about this lovely email I received upon cancelling my iPad data plan. I'd cancelled service within the two hours specified in another email notifying me of the autorenewal, but was charged anyway after it stuck as "pending" in my bank account for five days. He unsincerely apologized at the beginning of each of his new conversational tidbits, and mentioned blah blah cancelling within 15 days. I asked where this was in writing and he smugly pointed to the terms and conditions. Fine. This wasn't even f'ing available on the AT&T site from any of the menu options for everything! (I couldn't find it, anyway.) After 10 minutes of frustration, I goo-searched "ipad data plan terms and conditions att" and found the wireless data services agreement two links down.

I need to call back and get someone else to talk with, because it clearly states that what I was trying to do was kosher.

IF YOU SELECT A DOMESTIC 30 DAY SPECIFIED DEVICE PLAN, THE PLAN WILL AUTOMATICALLY RENEW EVERY 30 DAYS, AND YOU AUTHORIZE US TO CHARGE YOUR CREDIT OR DEBIT CARD OR YOUR WIRELESS BILL FOR YOUR INITIAL AND ANY SUBSEQUENT SPECIFIED DEVICE PLAN, UNLESS YOU CANCEL THE AUTOMATIC RENEWAL OF YOUR SERVICE. TO CANCEL AUTOMATIC RENEWAL, GO TO WWW.ATT.COM/BUYASESSION, LOG INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AND CANCEL AUTOMATIC RENEWAL PRIOR TO YOUR NEXT SCHEDULED PAYMENT TO AVOID BEING CHARGED. IN ORDER TO PROCESS YOUR AUTOMATIC RENEWAL IN A TIMELY FASHION AND ENSURE YOUR CONTINUED USE OF THE SERVICE, AT&T WILL CHARGE YOUR CREDIT CARD OR DEBIT CARD OR YOUR WIRELESS BILL FOR THE AUTOMATIC RENEWAL APPROXIMATELY TWO HOURS BEFORE YOUR NEW 30 DAY AUTOMATIC RENEWAL IS SET TO BEGIN. SHOULD YOU CANCEL AUTOMATIC RENEWAL AFTER WE HAVE CHARGED YOUR CARD OR YOUR WIRELESS BILL BUT BEFORE THE AUTOMATIC RENEWAL PERIOD IS SET TO BEGIN (E.G. WE CHARGED YOUR CREDIT CARD FOR THE RENEWAL AT 7 AM ET FOR A 9 AM ET AUTO RENEWAL AND YOU NOTIFIED US TO CANCEL THE AUTOMATIC RENEWAL AT 8 AM ET), PLEASE CONTACT AT&T CUSTOMER SERVICE TO PROCESS A CREDIT FOR THE AUTOMATIC RENEWAL.

Even though I cancelled within the two hour window and didn't select autorenew in the first place (it was apparently selected for me since I paid with credit card), I got nothing. As far as I'm concerned, the AT&T session based services idiot I spoke with can wipe my ass and eat a bag of dicks.

The real pisser was that he said I was charged for the whole next month because of 13 MB of data. I had switched the 3G off two weeks prior so know that wasn't me. I'm thinking software update or some crap, which naturally counts as data for the session based services plan, but that shouldn't even matter because I was within the two hour window! The only reason why I didn't cancel it when I switched it to wifi was moving craziness coupled with hella fun repetitive arguments with incompetent Shitna phone jockeys, jobbing, cancer scare crap (Aurora breast MRI and ductogram)... yeah, nothing big going on. (Yay for all the tests coming out negative, too.)

Speaking of wiping my ass, it's kinda hard to do that with my left hand as I'm right handed. See, I had a stupid onion slicing accident yesterday and took a trip to the local emergency department for not following Rule 1 of my mantra. (Rule 1: Don't be stupid. Rule 2: Be cheap like Amy.) (Amy was my matron of honor, among other friendshippy things, like encouraging hubby and I to get together before we'd even met each other.) I am now irritated at having to explain what happened to everyone I happen to talk with in person.

Long story short, 1) I'm sticking with knives for food prep, 2) it's pathetic when a person in tears and obvious severe pain asks to be given a painkiller before taking off a paper towel stuck to a bloody mangled finger, and 3) it's absolutely sad when someone giving medical care comes across to said person as patronizing, cold, and uncaring, even while healing that person as much as possible.

This is what happened when the paper towel
with blood stuck to my mangled skin came off.
My thumb bled for at least two hours nonstop
and this was about an hour into the fun.
Be glad I didn't post any wound pics.

Short story medium, 1) when the safety widget on the mandoline doesn't hold a veggie properly, it is best to use a knife for the rest of slicing instead of using one's hand, 2) physician assistants working in an emergency department should act like dentists and make sure a body area is at least partway numb before jabbing a needle full of lidocaine in a body part (twice) before surgical suturing (stitches), especially when the patient has several chronic pain syndromes including fibro, which is a disease of glitches in pain processing. In normal people terms, the chronic pain was at about an 8.5, and the numbing (that kicked in five minutes after she knotted my stitchery) made the acute pain go from a 7 to a 3. The total pain went to 42 when she was jabbing me and doing the stitching (giving me only one stitch instead of two because everything hurt so much I almost broke hubby's hand and arm while screaming bloody murder). Oh, and 3) I have an amazing husband, even though he's not going to let me forget my idiocy for a long while. I still blame fibro fog for that.

There's lots more going on but I really need to not type more for a bit. Sigh.

OMG. O.M.F.G.

The movers are hauling our big stuff over to the new place in three days and we are not ready for that yet. Not fully. So much stuff.... so much crappy little stuff... aaaah!!!!!

Lots of incredibly annoying and very wonderful things have happened lately. Here's what I can think of to relate at the moment due to brain-dead mind:

- Played phone tag with hubby's health insurance company for a solid week re: location and authorization for a procedure on a special machine

- Had health procedure, which went mostly smoothly except for the machine stopping before the testing was finished (naturally this was the first time ever that this had happened with the machine), and am waiting for results

- Got a few nibbles and a few rejections re: full time jobs

- Indirectly got hubby another art gig via holiday card awesomesauce

- Got hubby a replacement wedding band two sizes smaller due to him losing 20-25 pounds from free weights and eating more healthfully (he's discovered he likes at least three types of apples plus very badly wants to try a ripe apricot! major fruit progress!)

- Lost a few pounds then gained it back from not sleeping much or well and snacking more on delicious chocolate-toffee goodness

- Saw one of my Sims adopt a wild horse and am happy that he's making progress with inviting the local raven unicorn into his household

- Got very pissed that Dublin Dr Pepper is no longer being made on account of corporate douchebaggery

- Decided I need to get the Samsung Galaxy Note when it hits, instead of waiting for the iPhone 5

That's all for now. Back to packing in a few minutes. 

Stop! Sabbatical time!

Okay, that's it. I'm officially going on sabbatical. Much of 2012 is going to be full of continuing education, development, writing, photoing, fine tuning, and relaxing. I thought I'd get all of that done this year. My brain is screaming to my heart right now, "Wrong, fool! Keep it goin'!" My heart wants a cookie for the pain.

We're in our new place in less than a month and there is still so much to organize and toss and pack. I have so much reading to do on entrepreneurship via some kick-ass resources, so much writing to do in general, so much photo work to do (ai yah, I need to make more time for that next year), so much resting to do to reinforce this whole wellness lifestyle, etc. My brain looks at everything, compartmentalizes life into neat little boxes, and gives the rest of me a punk attitude, like my body can do what it did when I was younger. (If only getting carded chronically could make my body younger. Sad face.) My body looks at my brain and gives it the stink eye. My heart just pounds because it can't decide which thing to take on first so settles on working on a few small things concurrently, and then it feels overwhelmed with looking at surrounding things to do and wishes for a cookie to appear. I'll still be blogging but the big website I have envisioned won't be up for a little while. Damn, I need to make the temporary site live... after finishing that... and also finish the holiday cards, which will be mailed next week since I had to order breast cancer stamps because my local post offices had none and I'm not waiting in any more long lines this year.

By the way, the best ideas I've had this month involved combining pumpkin spice and snickerdoodle mixes and using the cinnamon sugar topping on formed cookies before baking. They. Are. Ridiculously. Fantastic! And in my refrigerator. So I'm off to get a cookie. Because I can. And because I need it for my well being.

Chaos is swirling again

There's a lot going on right now that I don't have the time to go into, but I'm kinda nearly done with my website. Just have to process a few more photos, upload, change some coding, then make it live. It's nowhere where I'd like it to be but further development will have to wait until mid-2012 on account of packing and moving and jobbing and chillaxing and such as.

The power button on my iPhone is wonky again but I found a local place that does national repairs so I'm hitting that in the next few days. I'd much rather pay a lower cost for a replacement button and have a 15 minute turnaround for getting my phone back than the alternative of sending it away to Apple. This place has Apple certified technicians and is BBB accredited so I'm not worried.

I'm halfway through the annual Christmas mailing prep. I have 170 on for this year (same as last year) but with a few changes in people. So interesting how people float into and out of one's life.

I've finally updated my LinkedIn to better reflect what's on my resume. I've also made my Facebook page visible since I really need to get my personal brand going. (Hooray for a few of my friends liking it already!) It was fun doing Gate of Life at a local level, and I learned a lot of things through that over the years. I still haven't taken down the photo goods store since I've been a bit preoccupied, but I'll get to it after I do a new store with better pics under my name.

We got a deal from Death Star!

I've been a Death Star (see the logo) customer since February 2006. It is now December 2011. You would think that I'd get great customer service from them, but even one of their automated systems kicked me out plus told me to go to a retail store. I've been a bit annoyed, very understatedly.

Hubby and I both have an iPhone 3GS. Over 75 minutes, I attempted the hell to communicate with AT&T about transferring from the 550 minute a month plan (since we never use our minutes) to the 10 cent a minute paygo plan while keeping our data services. I've heard this is possible from the interweb plus from 3 of the reps I talked with today, even though this possibility is nowhere to be found on the AT&T website. This should be easy to accomplish, yes?

No. Not only no, but a booming resounding HELL NO all Moses and Ten Commandments and lightning from the top of Mount Olympus style.

The first call went well until there was no option to get to a customer service representative on the GoPhone side. I got booted out of the system because my wireless number wasn't in their system and because I did not have documentation needed for activating a new phone.

The second call sucked major ass because I could barely hear the person on the other line. (I actually giggled about calling about a phone issue while being on a line with horrid quality. I now know this was wrong. Giggling was soon replaced by thoughts of beheading and smiting, especially after many fake and obligatory apologies.) I was transferred to someone who could allegedly better help me, but that person was also difficult to hear, and ended up giving me the 800 number to the first person.

The third call was answered by a very friendly and helpful lady. She was genuinely apologetic and gave me two good numbers to call. Yay!

The fourth call ended with the same result as the first call, so I tried the second number given by Helpful Lady.

The fifth call featured me lying about having documentation and/or SIM cards and/or I don't know what else, just to try to get to a person on the GoPhone side. The automated system told me I'd have to go to an AT&T retail store and speak with someone there.

Seriously? The automated phone wench didn't have a human serviceperson to boot me to at all??

Have I mentioned that it feels so barbaric to use a land line and have to dial 1 before the 800??

The sixth call was answered by someone who sounded like Denzel. He was extremely helpful and knew exactly where I needed to be in the phone labyrinth. He also mentioned (unlike the other reps) that hubby's phone is actually still under contract and wouldn't be up until April. Well, alrightie then.

Denzel hooked me up with someone who was freaking incredible to talk with. (Benjamin Prius, I hope I didn't mangle the spelling of your last name. Mad props to you sir, and I hope you get lovely snow this weekend in Lubbock!) Apparently the iPhone is an exception to the GoPhone rules and doesn't count as a regular smartphone. Balls. After some chatting and some amazement on his part since he could see that I'd talked with a few people within the hour, he hooked me up with some better rates on plans not normally offered. The upshot is that we'll save $20 a month, which will help since we're planning to move across town in two months (aah!). I'd hoped to save $60 a month with getting the 10 cent a minute plan for both of us, but oh well. At least I tried and something good happened out of the ordeal.

Maybe in April when hubby's contract is up, we'll look at paygo again, but the iPhone 5 should be hitting about then (or news about it, anyway), so we'll see. Technically we could go paygo now, but I'd have to buy a different smartphone and he'd have to get a new phone too plus fork up the early termination fee. No thanks. We're both happy with our 3GS phones and use our computers way more for computery things anyway, but I'd still love a better phone cam. I could get that now with the 4S on a new contract but I'll wait. I'll be busy packing and jobbing and job looking and crashing so I might as well wait.

In other news for today, I'm still frustrated at not having my personal website finished. I'm streamlining the holiday card list and putting everything together for mailing. I finally got my certificate of creditable coverage from UHC so added that to my BCBSTX certificate and faxed them to Cigna today. Now they'll pay several of my doctors for working my pre-existing conditions plus pay for labwork (well, when I call everyone back with the all clear to refile the claims). It's been so annoying at trying to get this from UHC since like, oh, June. Of course, while cleaning while packing last night, I found the original one they sent to me in April in an unopened envelope, so that's very much a my bad and I feel utterly stupid for not realizing I've had it all this time!! I'm a day late for making sure our tags are registered but am glad there's a 5 day grace period. I was hoping to have already been to the local Tom Thumb (to do the tag thing) and be back home by now. I haven't even showered yet! Gah, it's 3:45 pm and I haven't even eaten lunch yet. I suppose I should do that next.

We got deathstar, we got deathstar....

Blah.

The last few weeks have been kinda blah. Hope of hearing back from a part-time job opportunity that sounds like it was designed for me (sustainability and environmental issues / entrepreneuring / pet care / admin fun / running errands for others) has been fading, and I'm kinda bummed out about it. I'm kinda bummed out about losing out on another job (likely to someone retired, as was mentioned in passing as being one of two people they were really interested in, the other being me). Of course, with the stagnant economy, I have to wonder if my asking price (less than the going rate for executive assistants) is too high for most places. Yes, I know people can hire monkeys to do basic admin work, but 15 years of experience with dealing with tons of types of people and services should count for something. Sigh. I do have a small part-time gig thanks to a friend, and although it's only 5 hours per week right now, I'm excited about that since I'm using my degree again kinda. Yay! :)

The utterly amazing Allie Brosh has amazed the interweb again with her Adventures in Depression. She truly has a gift for relating things many of us can't put adequately into words, and her illustrations are the icing on that caaaaake!

My husband and I are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary today. We've received a lot of happy happy via Facebook, and I have no idea what we'll be doing this weekend on account of coming down with seasonal crud earlier this week. Pics from the early Tenthaversary trip to New Mexico are still pending for all to see. I started over with processing them since I've been playing more with Lightroom 3 and Elements 9, and it's slow going mainly because I need a better computer chair to reinforce my good posturing. Sitting up as I should without any support from my director's chair is kinda ouchy. I've at least made progress with cleaning out old photos, but am still slogging through cleaning out and organizing old files of every other type. Ai yah.

Before I forget to mention this again, my website is now up. (Hey, there's a pic from our recent NM trip!) There's so much going on behind the scenes it's ridiculous, but I really want to show all that when most everything is in place, and right now a few key parts are missing. I feel like Jeff Bezos with the Kindle Fire - working on the spectacular while noting what others are doing and how the public reaction goes. I've been doing so much intel on what other photographers do, how they have their sites laid out, that I've been yet again overwhelmed with all the design possibilities, but I've got a definite direction now so whoop there it is.

In very happy news, the third iPad has given me no problems at all. Looks like changing to a static IP address was the key for this one. Still have no idea why that didn't work for the others, but I'm glad I've had no issues since getting this one. Router still shows advanced security is in place, and all other wireless is working fine (except for my laptop birthed in 2006, but that's plugged in directly, 3 ft from the router in the living room, where I use it all the time anyway, so no big whoop there).

Occupy things have gotten interesting. Oakland is a mess, people in Dallas marched in support of the police who took some of them to jail a few days prior, New Yorkers are braving the early cold weather, etc. According to the Global Rich List, even with being on unemployment insurance I'm in the top 14.22% of people in the world. If I were still at my last job, I'd be in the top 2.3%. Compared to the other 7 billion people on this planet, I'm pretty freakin' lucky, blessed, fortunate, whatever. However. Even when I was there, most of my cashish went to necessities like groceries, gas, bills, medical visits, and medications. It amazes me what people think necessities are in this day and age. I've been in conversations about that, about generational perspectives, about OWS mixed in, and that's another post for another time but suffice it to say, I'm glad there are still people around who have the common sense to "use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Speaking of the Occupy movement, these signs are heartbreaking, particularly today's sign by an allegedly 11 year young person.

I keep updating this post with tidbits I've forgotten to share. I wonder how much this messes up RSS feeds.

Blah blah update

I think I'm done adjusting the look of this blog, with the fonts and colors and nachos and car keys. The background photo is one I took earlier this year. I need to prep it for sales but today is not that day. Today is the day for thieving a generic Vicodin from my husband, who has a few left over from wisdom tooth surgery from a few months ago. It's only a 5/500, so will only make my stiff muscles feel better for about 30 minutes. Mrawr. I need it today though - more later on that.

I'm pretty convinced that my router is working fine and dandy, but because I have better things to do with my time, I'm going to get another one and start a new setup for everything. I'm looking for a good wireless dual band gigabit router since I won't have to worry about overlapping surrounding networks or equipment upgrade-this-and-that for years. I'll get right on that, eh, probably tomorrow. So far the new-to-me iPad has only dropped 3 times, but I haven't been on it as much as before (yet).

Tomorrow I'll also look at new mobile phones in more detail. I have the iPhone 3GS and am thrilled that it's working again (guess who dropped it in the Apple store the other day and caused it to not be able to shut off or snap screenshots?). However, I surf less on that since I downgraded to a cheaper data plan, plus I'm on the computer or iPad more often. It makes and receives phone calls plus gives me access to quick checks of email, and I'm good with that. I don't use many apps so no biggie there. The 4S would be nifty but pre-order fulfillment is at 21-28 days (last time I checked, anyway), and the 5 should be out by next June or October... another year at most to wait, anyway. I have a separate "real" compact camera and separate iPod classic and separate Kindle so don't need to waste the phone battery for pics and entertainment and books (oh my). It's great while out and about, but for full time non-stop use, eh, kinda weak.

I will be vegging for the rest of the day. Seeing my LMTs and chiropractors this morning helped with wellness, although I have to go back in 6 days (next Monday) because I'm still jacked. I feel 60% improved overall compared with last week, when my main chiro squeeze for the last 9 years couldn't move anything at all, but I saw a different guy today and he had better luck. Everything was pretty much back to normal except for the neck. C4/C5 moved on my right side, but that was it. He told me that I impressed him very much, since my neck was being very resistant to him using more force than usual. I don't think he's experienced this with anyone else so far, based on his amazement at my bulletproof Cardassianish sternocleidomastoids. My SCMs aren't usually an issue, either. My usual involves the trapezius, rhomboids, scalenes, omohyoids, supraspinatus, infraspinatus, and I'm probably missing something. Occasionally there'll be gunk with other muscles, but only occasionally.

For the record, my chiro peeps are not woo. They work with evidence-based science and promote nutrition with exercise instead of simply trusting energy waves to do physical work for them. They are also very highly trained in Active Release Technique and 20 minutes of ART helps me more than a 110 minute sports-type table massage. Really, it's literally that awesome. I know there are cases of people being seriously injured with chiropractic care, but these people work on local tri- and other athletes and Olympic medalists, so I trust them, especially as they're not woo. I think woo chiropractic harms more than helps, and is probably the cause of why injuries happen. (I don't know this for sure; research is needed, but I wouldn't be surprised.)

Speaking of science, I got put on the e-stim machine at the end again, for the 4th visit in a row. This has not been a normal thing for me. I'd much rather do my 2 minutes on the VersaClimber before getting iced, thankyouverymuch!! Today I got a heat pack instead of the usual ice packs, and it helped. Next week they're moving me from the initial hydrobed therapy straight to the e-stim and heat, and then the usual work. Yay. Oh yeah - the e-stim and heat relaxed my muscles enough that I went back to bug the chiropractor to check to see if I had a rib out on my left side. He felt around, said he didn't feel anything, then got me into position for a reset. Sure enough, I had one out on my left side, which is unusual for me. Ribs 2-3 on my right side have gone in and out so many times over the years (aggravated by repetitive motions like housework or filing or breathing) that I think I may have popped them back in this morning on my own. Yeah, deffo getting that Vicodin (aka hydrocodone/APAP) now.

Steve Jobs, 1955-2011

Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple. (apple.com/stevejobs)

I and several of my friends found out about his passing via notice on our iPhones. (Naturally.) As a cancer survivor who last year lost a cancer buddy to the same thing Jobs had, it amazed me how most of the media consistently misreported the nature of his cancer. Pancreatic cancer is way different than a neuroendocrine tumor in/on the pancreas*. Cancer is so different in each individual regardless of type, and even people with the same type have varied experiences. You'd think the media would do some quick research and get things right but I guess they've gone from fact-checking journalists to being honey badger. Honey badger don't give a shit.

My first computer was an Apple II+ and I loved it. Back then, my dad would take me with him when he visited one of his friends across town. They were total Mac geeks. Dad's friend had a Lisa and I remember thinking it looked really cool compared to what I had. I smile when thinking about the total RAM of the Apple II+ maxing out at 64 kB. Heh, how things have changed over the last 30 years.

It's nice to see non-Apple fans and Apple haters giving props to Mr. Jobs. Words like "visionary" and "inspired" and "revolutionary" keep appearing on all sides. My Facebook and Google+ feeds are blowing up with friends sharing the news. Out of all of the remarks and remembrances I've read, the most poignant sentiments are perfectly captured here:

Steve Jobs was an amazing human being, and his passing will be mourned by millions. Though I was only seven years old and not aware when John Lennon died, I think I now know what that could have felt like. (Kevin Lowe)

Just one more thing? Weirdly Steve Jobs passing reminds me most of the death of Jim Henson. Two men with transformational vision. I fear Apple without Jobs will be too much like the Muppets without Henson. (Jeffrey Weiss)

I'm kinda dreading going to a local Apple store tomorrow but am also wondering how bummed out the grunt workers are. The iPad I acquired through eBay has been dropping wifi for the last month or maybe two, I dunno. I'm finally tired of resetting the network every 5 minutes so reserved my space/time at the Genius bar for tomorrow, about 20 minutes after the end of an appointment happening down the street. (I did this about an hour before the news broke. Great timing.) From what I gathered online, this 32 GB wifi + 3G 1st gen tablet caused a lot of people to be upset from the same issue back in April 2010, so maybe I'll get a replacement. I have the AppleCare Protection Plan so I shouldn't be out anything, whatever happens.

Here's to Steve Jobs and everyone doing their best to make this world a better place. I close with a final thought from the man himself, from his commencement address at Stanford University in June 2005**.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. (Steve Jobs)

* http://www.npr.org/2011/08/25/139942326/with-a-spotlight-on-jobs-time-to-talk-about-cancer?ps=rs

** http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Alive and mostly well

It's been a long time since I've posted anything, but my life has been a bit wonky. I've been spending a stupid crazy amount of time each day networking and reading up on photography this-and-that, while kind of tidying the homestead, while preparing more meals from scratch. The meal prep has been fun (my husband discovered he likes cauliflower as well as broccoli - woah!) but the tidying.... eh, kinda weak. I've also been organizing files on a new computer but it's going sloowwwwly on account of brutally hacking through photos I don't need to keep. I only have 13,020 left to weed through.

A nice thing about having this time to catch up with life things is that it might make good book fodder. I've noticed that my last few jobs have involved working during a time when whatever organization was transitioning through 40 years of whatever. I'm currently almost 38, I'm in this transition mush with wanting to do photography full time somehow, and I'm reading a great book about the two halves of life. With experiencing the 40ish year transition personally now, I think writing a perspectives book would be neat. If only I could fast-forward through this chrysalis gunky not-quite-gelled part.... :)

I have a book of poetry ready to be published but some of the poems really really suck since they were written forever ago. Gotta go through that again. I also need to go through two books I started writing years ago and continue with those. Plus write more for another book I have in mind. Plus help someone with a screenplay. Plus figure out where I'm headed in life, which is not so bad since I'm giving myself till 40 to get that done.

I need a 52 hour day every day.

Life Changes

Gah. Life is changing rapidly but I need to recharge by doing nothing for a long, long while first. Long story short, I will be focusing on recovering health and wellness starting sometime next week, with other people taking over what I do at my workplace. I'll have to deal with paperwork to get on my husband's insurance, but oh well.

The timing really sucks too because I've gotten some seriously mad props for my awesome work and for going above and beyond what I'm supposed to do, and that letter is definitely frameable. I heard that the executive director sent copies to The Board of the workplace, which amazed me, and I was asked to pass along props from my program manager to send out as well, because "the feds never say anything nice about anyone!"

Hopefully when I get back to tip-top shape I can go back and do more helpful stuff in one of various areas (research, healthcare, disaster preparedness), but I've got many many plans for the long-term interim. Like cleaning my home and finally getting everything in order (fully moving in after 5+ years). Like photography. Like small business work. Like pimping my husband's mad art skills. Like working on my posture and getting into shape. Like having more fun and traveling a bit. Like staying zen more constantly.

I can't wait. :)