Turning 40

I'm turning 40. Forty. Four zero. This is happening in a few weeks. I did the maths the other day but screwed it up, so will just say whenever it's 5:13 PDT on the 29th, I'll officially celebrate my 40th year and start my 41st year. I am old.

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but will just mention a few of them because ain't nobody got time for rambling. I certainly have other plans anyway. (My Sims 3 addiction needs some nurturing.)

Salon has an article about my generation going through a midlife crisis here. I read it and was like, huh. I don't feel middle aged. I certainly don't look it since I keep getting carded. I think I may look like I'm up to 26 or 28 now, if I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I'm not in a midlife crisis, although on account of the turning 40 thing, I am examining my life as lived so far and weighing it with things I'd still like to accomplish. Long story short, I've been through an awful lot, and the best is yet to come!

You can stop reading now if you want to skip the details of all of that. Just sayin' since we're all pressed for time all of the time. Seems like that, anyway.

The article mentions that us Gen Xers don't really hit a wall of midlife crisis - we have crises throughout. I guess I can see that, although I've had crises throughout my life so far, not just this allegedly middle part. Let's see.... bad stresses and good stresses would be:

- my mom died when I was barely 15
- I had my first broken engagement at 20
- got married at 21
- got divorced at 22
- was diagnosed with endometriosis at 24
- got put on 2 meds for familial hypertension (thanks dad) when I was 25
- had my second broken engagement at 25
- remarried at 28
- was diagnosed with costochondritis and fibromyalgia at 28
- was tentatively diagnosed (not definitively via biopsy) with IgA nephritis before an actual factual diagnosis of stage 2A grade 3 triple negative breast cancer at age 30 (and I don't have either BRCA mutation!)
- my dad died when I was 32
- was diagnosed with gastritis, gastroparesis, an H. pylori infection (NOT FUN AND THE CURE WAS HORRIBLE), and Sjogren's Syndrome at 36
- had to quit working completely at 37
- went through 2 rounds of SSDI rejections (even though Sjogren's is on the list of "you're disabled if you have this because it sucks that much") but then was able to start working full time again (thanks to Deplin, Savella, and modafinil) at 38
- endured Very Interesting Job Things and family issues throughout all of this

I guess those would qualify as at least minor crises, huh?

Me unedited after a really great 80 minute
table massage this evening. So happy!!

At 39, there's still some weirdness going on, mainly with some eyesight issues but I get a recheck in November. I'm also going to ask my rheumatologist (assuming I remember next month) to check me for dermatomyositis and hypermobility syndrome, since that combo would explain both some skin issues plus my continually occasional rib subluxations (from the combo of muscle stiffness and loose joints).

You know, even with all of that, I still look awesome and way younger than my chronological age, or so everyone keeps telling me. Booyah!! I am pretty resigned to being carded for the rest of my life. I guess I don't look like I'm about 40 in that pic of me from tonight, but Awesome Massage Therapist kinda rubbed all of the makeup out of my face, so whatever. I really need to make myself get massages more often. I got in on the monthly Massage Envy prepaid deal the other year before the prices went up, so I really should keep that going. Guess I'll have to discipline myself with relaxation.

The Salon article mentions that "Xers are still in full construction mode" and that's really true. Hubby and I are consumed with our separate artistic interests (mostly graphite drawing for him though he's been dabbling in pastels and inks and other stuff; photography and writing for me). We're also unlike a lot of people our age in that we're happy to intentionally live in a nice apartment instead of a house because 1) we'd rather let someone else take care of home maintenance issues so we can do what we want to do, 2) property taxes are crazy stupid high here, and 3) it'd be nice to live outside of hot sweltering Texas one of these years so portability for the win! We also have no children, pets, or plants to worry about, although we've talked about caring for some sort of critter(s), like maybe a cat (Abyssinian for him, Nebelung for me) or dog (Scottie for him, Samoyed for me in a way less hot environment), or bunny, or guinea pigs (he misses his), or iguana (I miss mine!) or bearded dragons (I miss those too).

Hot flashing in Sept 2010. I was having a great
time with friends but this was NOT FUN.

It's nice being pretty unlimited with home things and critters not tying us down, but my health issues limit me more than I'd like. It's not really as bad as it used to be though, mainly as I'm much better at pacing myself these days. I can push myself at 75% of my previous full steam because I'm stubborn, plus the new med combo has helped me to work a 40 hour week for over a year now. I wasn't able to do that for the five years prior. I'm also really ecstatic that I haven't hot flashed freaky bad in a long while, thanks to realizing that the BCP I took non-stop for endometriosis was putting me into early menopause which got increasingly frighteningly worse each year. Seriously, looking at some old pics of me drenched in my own sweat in not hot weather is such a bummer, especially with remembering how drained and continually worn out I was, but I'm so glad I'm past that crappiness!! Yay for better living through chemistry!!

Full construction mode now is making me so happy since these days I'm surrounded by even more artistic people. What am I constructing? Eh, several books, a screenplay, eventually some music but definitely some photoey things soon, and who knows what else. You'll just have to pay attention and see. In the meantime, you can check out the awesome nerditry I help with via SCNS Live, now powered by Cinelinx!

Health reform. OMFG, people are crazy today.

My Facebook feed is crazy gone nuts. Below I’m posting status updates I’ve received, and the next post will consist of images shared, but first, I gotta share a few things for sanity's sake.

A FEW THINGS

1. Constitutional Law. Obama knows it. See http://www.factcheck.org/2008/03/obama-a-constitutional-law-professor/ for more details.

My fave part in this is the last paragraph: "Furthermore, Obama was not merely an "instructor" as Phil Singer stated. As a 'senior lecturer,' Obama was in good company: The six other faculty members with the title include the associate dean of the law school and Judge Richard Posner, who is widely considered to be one of the nation’s top legal theorists."

2. Romneycare. Pretty much the same as Obamacare, and already existing in Taxachusetts. See http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2012/mar/20/romneycare-and-obamacare-can-you-tell-difference/ for that comparison.

Key detail: Both leave in place the major insurance systems: employer-provided insurance, Medicare for the seniors and Medicaid for the poor. They seek to reduce the number of uninsured by expanding Medicaid and by offering tax breaks to help moderate income people buy insurance. People are required to buy insurance or pay a penalty, a mechanism called the “individual mandate.” And companies that don’t offer insurance have to pay fines, with exceptions for small business and a few other cases.

3. Because it's been that kind of day today, this:

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-passionate-defender-of-what-he-imagines-c,2849

and this:

Man blames work stress after stealing condoms and octopus

http://www.eveshamjournal.co.uk/news/9788065.Man_blames_work_stress_after_stealing_condoms_and_octopus/ 

4a. How I feel about the law being upheld (because as the Princess of Problem Patients, this should've all happened years ago so I could've benefited from it in my time of need):

4b. How the Democrats feel about the law being upheld:

4c. How the Republicans feel about the law being upheld:

Just watch all the campaign commercials from now until Election Day. Sigh.

Actually, no. Watch this instead.

5. Also, read this. Trust.

Know Your Crew: Supreme Court or Wu Tang Clan?

http://thebureauchiefs.com/2012/06/know-your-crew-supreme-court-or-wu-tang-clan/

STATUS UPDATES ON THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT

Here they are, complete with all typos, starting from the latest in the day and going back in time toward the explosion that was the revealing of the ruling earlier in the day (except for the first post because that's the tone I want to set here, and it includes a comment made by the same person).

Mind you, half of these are from friends living with chronic health conditions on both red and blue sides.

You might want to get some snacks. And a comfy pillow for your headdesking.

Okay, breathe deeply....... here we go!

If you listen to all the pundits (no matter which station), you would think that we elected a magician who single-handedly writes, enforces AND interprets legislation. Do these "news" outlets really believe that I am so dumb that I have forgotten what I learned in elementary school civics class about the 3 branches of government??

 …  even sadder is that I am in the minority getting upset that they talk down to us. My FB feed is littered with updates blaming the President for today's decision. I would be willing to bet that most of those forgot that it took two houses to create that legislation (neither of which the President is a member) and today's interpretation was made by individuals appointed by several different Presidents of different political affiliations and confirmed by a group of people associated with different parties. I love that folks are passionate, but I wish that they would direct that passion to where they can truly affect change. No matter what the issue. 

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To those against ACA (My family can't see this post, thankfully, on purpose). Who pays for SSDI, SSI, Medicare, and Medicaid? Anyone who works. How is this money paid in? By taxes on your paycheck. This is likely how the ACA tax will work. Everyone deserves equal access to medical care. Without SSDI, which I paid into, we would not be able to afford the $500 a month in prescription costs for three of our 4 family members. Even with my husbands employer insurance, which we pay $900 a month for health, vision, and dental, we practically need a small loan to get everyone new eye glasses. Mine run $300-$350 AFTER insurance. All 4 of us wear glasses. So $900 a month paid in, plus roughly $500 in scripts, we don't pay flat fees but pay 40% of medication cost. Plus office visits for routine care or emergencies. We almost declared bankruptcy because of medical bills when an old insurance company we had went out of network with the ONLY 2 hospitals in our town the month before our 10yo was born. Through no fault of our own we were no longer covered. Because of a dispute between the insurance carrier and the local hospitals/providers.

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One can only hope that the Supreme Court is now free to consider other important matters, like making it a federal offense to post an intentionally vague status update.

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A FB "friend" just posted this. *headdesk*

"See this....

THIS is a list of socialist countries. If you want to be a socialist, I suggest MOVING to one of these countries.

Please stop trying to turn America into a socialist country.

Once again, if you like socialism and would like to BE a socialist please refer to list below for an appropriate place for you to MOVE.

Thank you." (followed by a link to a Wiki article highlighting official socialist countries on the world map)

I'm pretty sure she posted it because everyone is talking about the health care act being saved, and she thinks that is socialized medicine, and that socialized medicine is a BAD thing. Interesting since HER health care (Tricare) is FREE because her husband is in the military. It may still not be ideal, but it's better than nothing at all which is what many Americans have. I just can't help but cringe at the irony of her statement.

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Let me get this right:affordable health care for EVERYONE across the board and people are bitching?Boy,is my finger not on the pulse of the American public.I suppose if Wallstreet gave back a trillion dollars of stolen money the public would bitch about having to pay taxes on it.

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Speaking of healthcare...infusion time.

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We'll be paying more for our personal health care and will lose some lovely little benefits (aka ways to pay fewer taxes because of our health bills), but as my husband put it, "Our kids are grown, and when I look at parents with young kids today, I worry. This country has been good to us, we're lucky, let's help those that have had less luck." Or as my step dad always says "I'm proud I make enough money to pay this much in taxes!" (He kind of twitches when he says it, but he is a die hard Republican and he means it. He's proud he's been successful enough in life to be able to complain about his tax bill.) Also, yes we pay for our disabled daughters health insurance, even though she is eligible to be covered by the state for years. We can, with budgeting and care, afford it. It has better coverage for her condition, and my husband feels a moral obligation to pay for it. Parenting doesn't stop when your child turns 18. When it is life or death, it's not a matter for politics, it's a matter of morality. For ourselves, we live too well during this time of economic hardship, to mind sacrifice. Also the company my husband works for is making enough profits, it's not going to put them out of business and maybe the next CEO won't make 40 million a year. (it's going to add up to barely a dent in his salary that will be needed to make up the difference.)

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Anybody else curious about the timing of the contempt vote? We should be talking about the healthcare decision not a madeup issue in congress. Another example of the irrelevance of the congress.

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‎~The Government: "It's not a tax. It's not a tax. IT'S NOT A TAX! WE'RE TELLING YOU IT'S NOT A TAX!!!!"

(THEN THE SUPREME COURT RULES)

The Government: "Oh, wait a minute. I think you misunderstood us. What we meant to say is that it IS a tax!"

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Just something to think about: I have individual health care. I pay "extra" for my healthcare because I'm in a "high risk" group. Per the experts the new healthcare law will make it cheaper for employers to stop giving health care as a benefit to their employees which will effectively make them all have to seek "individual healthcare coverage." If you have a pre-existing condtion, you will pay more. If you get coverage with one company, you can forget "shopping around" as I have tried to do, you will be denied. (And my doctor just confirmed this.) To me, just from my experience, the healthcare bill or Obamacare will not, does not help. My rates went up considerably when it was passed. My deductible at this point is so huge it will bankrupt me if something really bad happens. And that's just so I can afford healthcare at all. Yay. This was great. Now can we get rid of it and do something that really solves the problem?

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Sharing this, along with a little song I extemporised on the original link:-

"Good-byeee! Good-byeee!

Wipe a tear, Rushie dear, from your eyeee!

Though it's hard to part, I know,

We're - all - tickled you want to go!

Don't cry-eee! Don't sigh-eee!

There's a silver lining in the skyeee!

Bonsoir, old thing! Cheerio! Chin chin!

Pogue mahon, Kiss my arse, Good-byeee!"

He should try France. He'd find it an impressive country.

Briefly.

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Today's ruling may make the next paring down of the ol' friends list much easier. ... Some may be surprised by who this statement affects. ... I'm not so much concerned about your stance on the issue as your response and reaction to those who think differently.

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While I think that Obamacare is well intentioned, I personally feel this is not the way it should have been accomplished. Yes, pre-existing conditions being covered is excellent, yes, affordable healthcare is excellent. However, the current federally funded insurance health plan that covers about 1% of the population is riddled with flaws. Now imagine those flaws being blown up 99% and all of the little flaws are now massive being of a giant customer base. Insurance companies should be held liable for this type of coverage, not the government. It does not operate well for the chronically ill in other countries, why would it operate well in a country where obesity is an epidemic unlike other countries? What about conditions that insurances currently don't cover? One size does not fit all. Please no name calling, just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I think less of you. I expect the same degree of respect.

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Sad friggin day in history. The SCOTUS upheld the individual mandate. Obamacare is an abomination of law. There needs to be a clear message sent to the people in Congress that created this by voting them out. All of them. Fire them.

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Obamacare, Obamacare, holy shit, it's hot outside! Obamacare, Obamacare!

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Thank you, Supreme Court.

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What the hell is wrong with the Supreme Court? Not only have they formally instituted Communism, they've given us the crappy death care systems of Canada and Europe.

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I generally don't bring up much when I sit back and watch things I don't agree with get drilled into my eyeholes by people who cant' stop posting their opinions on stuff, so just consider this post as me shutting up about it long enough and if you don't like it, disagree with it, but if you come on my wall get stupid then you're gone and I really don't care. LET ME GET THIS SHIT STRAIGHT ! Now I can go to jail for not doing my taxes right, even though I have a medical disability I can't get SS disability because I haven't paid in enough because when I ran my own small business I apparently didn't pay enough in for me to get it back. I can't buy a freaking big gulp, I can't order super sized fries, and now I will be punished if I don't buy health insurance. It's ok though because my husband served this ONCE great country for 20 years, so we have that wonderful GVT insurance for life. Sure we pay for it, and boy it's really grand, because nothing wakes you up like a Doctor telling you that their hands are tied because the insurance says your not worth treating since there isn't a cure, and the insurance doesn't cover "quality of life". So I am going to just swallow this shit and move on. All the things I can do wrong and will now be illegal? yeah WHAT THE HELL ABOUT ALL THE LAWS YOU MORONS WONT LET PEOPLE ENFORCE because it's not politically correct. You know what, that's a fucking oxy moron of the century, seriously? NOTHING IS CORRECT ABOUT OUR POLITICAL SYSTEM, and seriously I am sick and freaking tired of walking on egg shells around what might or might not offend everyone on the damn planet whether I agree with it or not. BUT NO ONE gives a rats ass about offended me by throwing their shit in my face, or my kids face. I'm sick of it, and I am really sick of seeing people with such short vision, parading as adults. I dare your ass to penalize me for doing something illegal because I GREW UP IN THIS COUNTRY TOO. I am so disgusted

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Hooray for Obama's Healthcare plan: supported by Senate, House, President and the Supreme Court. A VICTORY for ALL Americans. … Today's ruling should have been about declaring single payer health care, but this was the closest we got to a true universal plan and the corporations and big insurance companies get to retain their profits and control over medical care. But this is a great start and it's a plan that is intended to insure the 30 million uninsured. I can't agree enough with you that the corporate choke hold on our medical care should be stopped. We just see the problem and the steps we need to solve it differently.

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The health care plan is constitutional. A total right- wing ideologue like Roberts agrees. Why are so many people attacking and saying hateful things on my post to that effect?

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The conservative wing of the Supreme Court saw its shadow this morning. Four more years of Obama!

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IT PASSED!!!!!

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(Including this because it’s so appropriate.)

Do you remember this?

"It was the end of the Earth year 2260, and the war had paused, suddenly and unexpectedly.

"All around us, it was as if the universe were holding its breath . . . waiting.

"All of life can be broken down into moments of transition or moments of revelation. This had the feeling of both.

"G'Quon wrote, "There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way.

""The war we fight is not against powers and principalities – it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender."

"The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation.

"No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain."

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On this day when the new healthcare law has been upheld, I'm reposting a blog I wrote, suggesting healthcare is a human right, defensible under Christian theology.

Seemed to me to be a good day to remind ourselves of the underlying theological/social reasons for healthcare reform:

http://wheneftalks2.blogspot.com/2008/10/universal-health-coverage-should-be.html

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Dear Career Politicians,

I don't believe a word you say. You don't live among the people you represent, and you certainly don't seem to feel that you should be held accountable in the way that your constituents are. It's really too bad that the wild fires aren't in DC., because I am sick of ALL of you.

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The individual mandate stands!!!

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I wish Americans would quit treating politics like it is the Bedlam football game. Partisan politics (us versus them) does not help anyone except the big money people funding campaigns. I knew today would be a bad day on the Facebook news feed, regardless of who "won". Looks like I will have to unsubscribe a bunch of people, since the rhetoric will just get worse as November gets closer. Quoting the recently deceased Rodney King, "Can we all get along?"

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And, while we're reviewing theological justifications for healthcare as a human right, it might be good to remind ourselves of what the United Methodist Church says: 

"Health care is a basic human right.

Providing the care needed to maintain health, prevent disease, and restore health after injury or illness is a responsibility each person owes others and government owes to all, a responsibility government ignores at its peril. In Ezekiel 34:4a, God points out the failures of the leadership of Israel to care for the weak: “You have not strengthened the weak, you have not healed the sick, you have not bound up the injured.” As a result all suffer."

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It isn't a victory for the Democrats or the Republicans. It is a victory for the people.

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Well we should probably move soon.

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The vote of "no confidence" is coming in November. I hope the myopic individuals in this country get their vision fixed because the vision for this country is not a good one. Look at the whole picture folks......BTW I am not saying that M.R. is the solution but it is a step forward from the person in there now. Have to start somewhere when things are heading in the wrong direction. I am here to tell you that 4 more years you all will be crying if things stay the same in the white house.

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expansion of medicare thrown out. states can opt in.

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SCOTUS on Medicare expansion: "F**k the poor!"

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Mittens, that statement on health care this morning sounds of sheer desperation!

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BREAKING NEWS: Supreme Court upholds individual mandate of Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Here's why we care at LIVESTRONG: 

http://blog.livestrong.org/2012/06/28/affordable-care-act-upheld/

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My faith in the Supreme Court has been restored.

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Traditionally,SCOTUS has often made the narrowest possible rulings. Recently the court has swung for the fences more. This ruling looks more like the historic norm, I think?

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Big day's starting off on a good note so far for just about everyone... except CNN, perhaps.

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Census Bureau data show about 83,000 North Dakotans had no health insurance in 2010.

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Okay, I have to find a way to change the subject. How about OKC Thunder trade rumors? Any ideas? The Oklahoman says Sam Presti is trying to get into the top three so that they can draft Florida's Bradley Beal. Who could be traded? Westbrook? Harden? Ibaka?

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The Supreme Court has upheld Obamacare! What a win for Americans and Obama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Collecting reactions to the SCOTUS ruling this morning (some thoughtful, some amusing, some inspiring the headdesk)

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RIP Senator Ted Kennedy.....your hard work w/our president to make Obamacare happen, happened. We love, admired, and miss you and your fight for what's right! We are victorious......

Steve Jobs, 1955-2011

Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple. (apple.com/stevejobs)

I and several of my friends found out about his passing via notice on our iPhones. (Naturally.) As a cancer survivor who last year lost a cancer buddy to the same thing Jobs had, it amazed me how most of the media consistently misreported the nature of his cancer. Pancreatic cancer is way different than a neuroendocrine tumor in/on the pancreas*. Cancer is so different in each individual regardless of type, and even people with the same type have varied experiences. You'd think the media would do some quick research and get things right but I guess they've gone from fact-checking journalists to being honey badger. Honey badger don't give a shit.

My first computer was an Apple II+ and I loved it. Back then, my dad would take me with him when he visited one of his friends across town. They were total Mac geeks. Dad's friend had a Lisa and I remember thinking it looked really cool compared to what I had. I smile when thinking about the total RAM of the Apple II+ maxing out at 64 kB. Heh, how things have changed over the last 30 years.

It's nice to see non-Apple fans and Apple haters giving props to Mr. Jobs. Words like "visionary" and "inspired" and "revolutionary" keep appearing on all sides. My Facebook and Google+ feeds are blowing up with friends sharing the news. Out of all of the remarks and remembrances I've read, the most poignant sentiments are perfectly captured here:

Steve Jobs was an amazing human being, and his passing will be mourned by millions. Though I was only seven years old and not aware when John Lennon died, I think I now know what that could have felt like. (Kevin Lowe)

Just one more thing? Weirdly Steve Jobs passing reminds me most of the death of Jim Henson. Two men with transformational vision. I fear Apple without Jobs will be too much like the Muppets without Henson. (Jeffrey Weiss)

I'm kinda dreading going to a local Apple store tomorrow but am also wondering how bummed out the grunt workers are. The iPad I acquired through eBay has been dropping wifi for the last month or maybe two, I dunno. I'm finally tired of resetting the network every 5 minutes so reserved my space/time at the Genius bar for tomorrow, about 20 minutes after the end of an appointment happening down the street. (I did this about an hour before the news broke. Great timing.) From what I gathered online, this 32 GB wifi + 3G 1st gen tablet caused a lot of people to be upset from the same issue back in April 2010, so maybe I'll get a replacement. I have the AppleCare Protection Plan so I shouldn't be out anything, whatever happens.

Here's to Steve Jobs and everyone doing their best to make this world a better place. I close with a final thought from the man himself, from his commencement address at Stanford University in June 2005**.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. (Steve Jobs)

* http://www.npr.org/2011/08/25/139942326/with-a-spotlight-on-jobs-time-to-talk-about-cancer?ps=rs

** http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html