Happy death day!! Plus, Chinese fooooooood!

25 years. It's been 25 years since my mom passed away from metastatic cervical cancer. I was barely 15, and now I'm 40, and it is weird to realize mom's been dead for nearly 2/3 of my life.

I went to a local Chinese buffet for lunch and had some of the same rice that my dad made years ago (he's only been dead for about 7.5 years), plus had some of the same Szechwan string beans that my mom made years ago. We grew string beans in our backyard, and she'd more often dunk the beans in tempura batter and deep fry them (UBER NOM!!) but would also stir fry the beans occasionally. It hasn't really been rough this year, and although I suppose I'm used to it (them being gone), it's still not something I'll ever get over. Thankfully I can share some of the good memories with family and friends, even with friends who never knew either of them. Yay old photos and social media.

AUTHENTIC. Not Instagram filtered. In fact, enhanced
to be more true to color because real is how I roll, yo.

My mom was the youngest of 8 siblings so she cooked for a gazillion people every time we had a get together (birthday party, Bible study, etc.). I'm sadly missing several photo albums from years ago but I do have some snaps from way back when showing the ginormous amounts of food she routinely made. The one of me behind my birthday party food looking like a boss was from when I turned 7 in 1980. To this day, I'm amazed I survived the overwhelming mustard palette of my environment, from the wallpaper to the carpet to just... aaaaugh the colors!! THE COLORS!!!! But anyway, yeah, there was like, a ton of chicken (tempura batter is The Best Batter, btw), won tons, egg rolls, spring rolls, rice, punch, and other foods.

So. Foods. My mom always made a ton of won tons, egg rolls, and spring rolls for these festivities. To seal the wrappers, she used a beaten egg white. That's it. No cornstarch and water mix, just an egg white. All you do is separate an egg white into a bowl, whip it with a fork, and voila - beaten egg white glop. Add a few drops of water if it's too thick for you for some reason.

This was from a few years before I was born. That's my
older sister with my mom and dad. They be stylin'!!

The most authentic-to-my-mom won ton stuffing and folding technique is at this link (which also has a recipe for chili dipping oil; we used either sweet and sour sauce or Kikkoman soy sauce for our dippings). For easy reference, the ingredients are 8 oz ground pork, 2 tbsp finely chopped scallion, 1 tbsp toasted sesame oil, 1/2 tsp salt (I'm pretty sure my mom used MSG instead), and 1/4 tsp ground white pepper. Basically, smush all that in a bowl with your hands until the ingredients are combined. Spoon a small dollop onto the center of a square egg roll wrapper. Moisten the sides of the wrapper with pre-beaten egg white glop, then fold so that you have a triangle and the filling is in the center/bottom of the triangle. Put the left and right ends together, twist the dough a little so it's like two hands shaking, then reinforce seal that with more glop. Deep fry till awesome!

Wrapping spring rolls and egg rolls is done a bit differently, which you can read about at this link. However, BE AWARE that THERE IS A DIFFERENCE between spring rolls and egg rolls. At least in my family there's a big difference. My mom's spring rolls were wrapped in circular extra thin spring roll wrappers (not rice paper like Banh Trang but just as thin with wheat and rice flour if I remember correctly, since the skins fried to a nice super crispy brown), and mom's ingredients were shredded cabbage, shredded carrots, and bean sprouts. That's it. Her egg rolls were wrapped in the more normal square type of roll wrappers (the Dynasty brand looks right to me) and the filling ingredients were basically the same pork stuffing as above for the won tons, plus shredded carrots and sprouts, and maybe a little cabbage. She made use of the same ingredients across the board, at any rate. That link to that other mother's wrapping techniques is solid as far as techniquing goes, so do all that but use my mom's filling instead. ;)

Oh - and as far as crab Rangoon goes, use the same technique as dolloping the filling for the won tons, except keep them in the triangle shape. The filling is basically shredded or stringed out imitation cwab mixed with cream cheese, but I prefer Neufchatel cheese (the Americanized version in the grocery stores, not the real deal from France) because it tastes slightly better imho, plus has less calories than regular cream cheese.

Do I miss my parents? Hell yeah, I miss them. Some days, seemingly at random, I get overwhelmed with the missing one or both of them, but that hasn't happened too much in the last few years since I keep seeing bits of them in how I do things - actions I take, phrasings I speak - and it's freaky in a mostly good way. I know that part of them is alive in me, so that's comforting. Plus my sister and her extended families are only 3 hours away (just down a very long street!), and I talked with her a few hours ago, so that was pretty cool. Didn't mention anything about the day but finally got to catch up some with life this and that.

Be sure to love your family (blood or not) while you're still around. It doesn't matter if they're still alive or not. What's important is that you maintain that tie. Trust me on that.

An Exercise in Passive-Aggressive Speaking

I learned a long time ago that blowing up at someone over frustrations not only with that person but with others in past similar relationships is not a good thing to do. Particularly when said person emails back a response explaining a few areas where you are wrong. And then you burn that response (with literal fire) and kick yourself for about a decade for doing so because reading those words would've saved a lot of grief over said decade. But I digress.

Instead of blowing up at one of my homies over being the latest of a few friends who've defriended me on Facebook over the years without any hint as to why, I just have a few words to mumble out into the ethers. I figured I'd spew forth said verbage as an exercise in passive aggressive speaking because passive aggressive people are so incredibly joyous to speak with that I've been making it an art form for far too long. I'd like to try to get into that mindset so I can understand those f'd up people a bit more, so here goes:

What the hell kind of crack are you smoking, son? Did you get a bad batch?

I realize you probably took something I said the wrong way, right after I specifically said, "Now don't take this the wrong way," but dude, unfriending? When it's realllllly easy to not-quite-block-but-limit-posts-of-someone from your newsfeed with settings? When Graph Search doesn't even track status anything or other seemingly important this and thats? That's just lazy, man. Damn sloppy.

Of course, maybe it's not from anything to do with that. Maybe it's from something someone else said about me, that I can only assume happened/isn't true, because I'd also assume we were on such a cool level that you'd point blank ask me about the what the hell, and then I'd find out that I was wrong about that. This isn't my first rodeo, and of course those people weren't as cool as you are, but dude, if so, what the hell?

Oh wait. You're a pod person who forgot to reprogram your new self to remember me. Got it. I'll send you the good crack for your next birthday.

Oh, wait, is that it? Feeling any sort of obligation about gifting or carding that doesn't exist to me? You know I have a habit of buying things for gifting, just whenever, and I apologize for carting over a bagful to you but I've been dealing with some pesky health issues for a few years and just haven't caught up with catching up with life so please excuse my horrible tardiness. Or not. But really, if you think you have to get me anything for any reason, you're sadly mistaken. I would have thought you would have known me better than that, with my insistence that gifts should be actual true gifts, without expectation of reciprocation at all. Geez, I hope that's not it... but if it is, huh. Weird.

I figured I'd mention these thoughts just to get them out of my system, because I've been over holding toxic grudges or mistaken feelings for a long time. It doesn't really matter to me if you hear about this or read it or not, really, and I do have better things to do, like photo editing, but I feel like ass from amoxicillin so I'm unable to sleep, so naturally I'm up wondering I can do to help myself feel better. This isn't much... hell, it's nothing, really, but it's something, and it could be useful for getting back to my natural zen self, and grasshopper, you know I talk way too much about anything sometimes because I'm all about educating people. I have a degree for that and everything! Plus I don't blog as much as I'd like to, so hey, multitasking for awesomeness shiny life groove! Pants! Farts! Fire!

Besides, I respect you enough to leave you alone if you want to be left alone, and besides, it'd be kinda awkward asking about how you're doing indirectlyish, like asking my spouse to ask you what's up, or asking your spouse what's up with you, both via Facebook. Especially when we've been acquainted with each other since like 1986 or 1987 or thereabouts. Heh, even the ex-spouse and I are on good speaking terms, and not like we speak to each other any more than you and I have for forever, but still. Hey, remember that one time when I was going through that divorce, and you and I went to the mall with his then-not-yet-wife's baby, and we three looked like a happy family but were not related to each other in the least? Yeah, good times. Yeah.

So anyways, hi. Or not. Whatevs. It's been real, whatever way.

And damn. I realize that I've been way too specific in speaking my mind here still, and so I have a long way to go before I can ever master passive aggressive vagueness. Damn! I thought I was so close! Utter fail!

And there's something else I was going to mention, but of course I can't remember what it is. I'm blaming the amoxicillin. I never had a problem with it all those zillions of times I took it for sinus issues while growing up, and I'm surprised I actually got a prescription for it but I guess that's due to the bad reactions with macrolide antibiotics and doxycycline and Keflex... sigh. I hate being puky.

Oh - that was it - I've been wondering about these things for three or four weeks now, and am just now verbalizing these things externally. Normally I'd just wait a few days and then see what's up, but I've been awfully detached about that. The new eightfold software integration must have gone well. Beep beep bloop honk.

It's been surreal....

Actually, life has been getting back to a normal state of weirdness lately. I'd blog more about it but 1) I'm tired and only got 4 hours of decent sleep last night, 2) I do not want to harsh my zen, and 3) these pics pretty much sum things up, except for the bazillions of photos I still need to go through (omg 360+ GB, I am not joking). Pics are small here because I'm being perverse with the not-wanting-people-to-gank-and-embiggen. Well, kinda. They're small mainly because I don't want to mess with post-processing, because I'm detailed and picky ('cos I'm a Virgo) and I don't have time for it but I still want to share and... well, here.

Here fishy fishy fishy...

This is not my dog. He's awfully funny sometimes.

I so almost bought this. For reals.

Screenshot of a highlight I made on my
Galaxy Note while reading in the Kindle app.
Only a year left in my contract before I
get the iPhone 6. I love the G-Note except
I'm too busy to mess with the intricacies,
plus the keyboard makes typing awkward.

Our resident hawk. He'd just flown up here.
He doesn't like hip hop. Not from booming cars, anyway.

It took me three weeks to pick up a registered mail package.
Three. Weeks. Of not knowing where it was, and of general
incompetence from postal workers. This love note was written
and dropped in the inside mail slot during week two's visit.
Oh, and I did drop off my orange card. After I took photos
of both the front and back of it. Grrr. Stabby.

Fit Fish (blackened rainbow trout) at Fish City Grill.

Blah.

The last few weeks have been kinda blah. Hope of hearing back from a part-time job opportunity that sounds like it was designed for me (sustainability and environmental issues / entrepreneuring / pet care / admin fun / running errands for others) has been fading, and I'm kinda bummed out about it. I'm kinda bummed out about losing out on another job (likely to someone retired, as was mentioned in passing as being one of two people they were really interested in, the other being me). Of course, with the stagnant economy, I have to wonder if my asking price (less than the going rate for executive assistants) is too high for most places. Yes, I know people can hire monkeys to do basic admin work, but 15 years of experience with dealing with tons of types of people and services should count for something. Sigh. I do have a small part-time gig thanks to a friend, and although it's only 5 hours per week right now, I'm excited about that since I'm using my degree again kinda. Yay! :)

The utterly amazing Allie Brosh has amazed the interweb again with her Adventures in Depression. She truly has a gift for relating things many of us can't put adequately into words, and her illustrations are the icing on that caaaaake!

My husband and I are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary today. We've received a lot of happy happy via Facebook, and I have no idea what we'll be doing this weekend on account of coming down with seasonal crud earlier this week. Pics from the early Tenthaversary trip to New Mexico are still pending for all to see. I started over with processing them since I've been playing more with Lightroom 3 and Elements 9, and it's slow going mainly because I need a better computer chair to reinforce my good posturing. Sitting up as I should without any support from my director's chair is kinda ouchy. I've at least made progress with cleaning out old photos, but am still slogging through cleaning out and organizing old files of every other type. Ai yah.

Before I forget to mention this again, my website is now up. (Hey, there's a pic from our recent NM trip!) There's so much going on behind the scenes it's ridiculous, but I really want to show all that when most everything is in place, and right now a few key parts are missing. I feel like Jeff Bezos with the Kindle Fire - working on the spectacular while noting what others are doing and how the public reaction goes. I've been doing so much intel on what other photographers do, how they have their sites laid out, that I've been yet again overwhelmed with all the design possibilities, but I've got a definite direction now so whoop there it is.

In very happy news, the third iPad has given me no problems at all. Looks like changing to a static IP address was the key for this one. Still have no idea why that didn't work for the others, but I'm glad I've had no issues since getting this one. Router still shows advanced security is in place, and all other wireless is working fine (except for my laptop birthed in 2006, but that's plugged in directly, 3 ft from the router in the living room, where I use it all the time anyway, so no big whoop there).

Occupy things have gotten interesting. Oakland is a mess, people in Dallas marched in support of the police who took some of them to jail a few days prior, New Yorkers are braving the early cold weather, etc. According to the Global Rich List, even with being on unemployment insurance I'm in the top 14.22% of people in the world. If I were still at my last job, I'd be in the top 2.3%. Compared to the other 7 billion people on this planet, I'm pretty freakin' lucky, blessed, fortunate, whatever. However. Even when I was there, most of my cashish went to necessities like groceries, gas, bills, medical visits, and medications. It amazes me what people think necessities are in this day and age. I've been in conversations about that, about generational perspectives, about OWS mixed in, and that's another post for another time but suffice it to say, I'm glad there are still people around who have the common sense to "use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Speaking of the Occupy movement, these signs are heartbreaking, particularly today's sign by an allegedly 11 year young person.

I keep updating this post with tidbits I've forgotten to share. I wonder how much this messes up RSS feeds.

I'm so confused (but not really).

I'm eagerly hoping that the DNS propagation thing finishes quickly so my website can resolve. Um, the website that I'm consolidating everything under, like photography and writing and social media and whatevs. I decided to pay a little extra for an easier interface and I am flipping out still. I'm so used to DirectAdmin that cPanel so far is seemingly shockingly suspiciously easy to work with, or would be when I figure out where everything is. It's confusing. I'm not used to my interface opening every single thing-I-wanna-work-with in a separate tab. It is freaking. me. out. big time. but I'm sure it'll get easier.

I'm mainly curious as to if it'll be easier for several of my peeps to work with since I'm aiming to transition web work to them. Like, will my kinfolk be able to grok which feature does what? Will my small business owner friends be able to pick things up more quickly with this interface or the other one? Like I said, hopefully my site will resolve soon so I don't get error reports and can actually see what the page looks like live. I'd be able to see what it should look like if I were using DirectAdmin, so I'm sure the feature is in cPanel somewhere but I haven't found where yet. This is confusing me way too much, for something that should be easier to work with. Then again, one of my mottos is, "Why do things the easy way when you can do them the hard way?" so *shrug*.

One of my Facebook friends shared a text photo that says, "Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side." I commented, "Very true. Some days, like today, it's pretty sucky, but for the most part it's great when this happens. :)" Today's a private anniversary day for me (when there is celebration of something significant in one of my past lives within this life), and this one has me not as nostalgic as past years but more frustrated with lack of overall communication with a person related to this day. I'm not going to describe this as well as I'd like because I don't have the perfect words, but I'm a bit sad that I can't talk with this person as I used to. There were years of friendly banter and these conversations of greatness that would occur, and for some years there's been nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. (Okay, maybe 1 or 2 brief things if whatever subject was interesting, I guess.) And that's fine, really, since life changes, but to me it's such a shame when people don't maintain friendly relationships even superficially (like dropping a random note a few times a year). I'm on friendly speaking terms with people who've been way more involved with huge intensely messy parts of my life, and most of them are not as nifty as the person I'm thinking about, so I'm all "what a waste" right now. Sigh.

That said, there are somewhat equivalent people in my life I'd rather not hear from more than once or twice a year (and I'm sure I'm in this category with said person above), but I'd still love to hear from them and catch up with them about life things. There are also people I converse with on Facebook a bit more superficially than that (dropping random comments whenever, and sometimes sharing various media bits), and I miss them and they know it. That's how things should be. Most times they miss me too, and that's always neat. I haven't seen any of these people I'm talking about in for-freaking-ever, but that's okay. Now I'm a little confused on what my point is, besides that I wish I heard from some people more often and like before, but some things are too much to ask from life, and that's sad. It's like, some people are idiots, and they can't help but be idiots, but they could at least try to not be so idiotic. (See, not a good description, but you know what I mean.)

Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.