Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Monday, September 23, 2013

Happy death day!! Plus, Chinese fooooooood!

25 years. It's been 25 years since my mom passed away from metastatic cervical cancer. I was barely 15, and now I'm 40, and it is weird to realize mom's been dead for nearly 2/3 of my life.

I went to a local Chinese buffet for lunch and had some of the same rice that my dad made years ago (he's only been dead for about 7.5 years), plus had some of the same Szechwan string beans that my mom made years ago. We grew string beans in our backyard, and she'd more often dunk the beans in tempura batter and deep fry them (UBER NOM!!) but would also stir fry the beans occasionally. It hasn't really been rough this year, and although I suppose I'm used to it (them being gone), it's still not something I'll ever get over. Thankfully I can share some of the good memories with family and friends, even with friends who never knew either of them. Yay old photos and social media.

AUTHENTIC. Not Instagram filtered. In fact, enhanced
to be more true to color because real is how I roll, yo.
My mom was the youngest of 8 siblings so she cooked for a gazillion people every time we had a get together (birthday party, Bible study, etc.). I'm sadly missing several photo albums from years ago but I do have some snaps from way back when showing the ginormous amounts of food she routinely made. The one of me behind my birthday party food looking like a boss was from when I turned 7 in 1980. To this day, I'm amazed I survived the overwhelming mustard palette of my environment, from the wallpaper to the carpet to just... aaaaugh the colors!! THE COLORS!!!! But anyway, yeah, there was like, a ton of chicken (tempura batter is The Best Batter, btw), won tons, egg rolls, spring rolls, rice, punch, and other foods.

So. Foods. My mom always made a ton of won tons, egg rolls, and spring rolls for these festivities. To seal the wrappers, she used a beaten egg white. That's it. No cornstarch and water mix, just an egg white. All you do is separate an egg white into a bowl, whip it with a fork, and voila - beaten egg white glop. Add a few drops of water if it's too thick for you for some reason.

This was from a few years before I was born. That's my
older sister with my mom and dad. They be stylin'!!
The most authentic-to-my-mom won ton stuffing and folding technique is at this link (which also has a recipe for chili dipping oil; we used either sweet and sour sauce or Kikkoman soy sauce for our dippings). For easy reference, the ingredients are 8 oz ground pork, 2 tbsp finely chopped scallion, 1 tbsp toasted sesame oil, 1/2 tsp salt (I'm pretty sure my mom used MSG instead), and 1/4 tsp ground white pepper. Basically, smush all that in a bowl with your hands until the ingredients are combined. Spoon a small dollop onto the center of a square egg roll wrapper. Moisten the sides of the wrapper with pre-beaten egg white glop, then fold so that you have a triangle and the filling is in the center/bottom of the triangle. Put the left and right ends together, twist the dough a little so it's like two hands shaking, then reinforce seal that with more glop. Deep fry till awesome!

Wrapping spring rolls and egg rolls is done a bit differently, which you can read about at this link. However, BE AWARE that THERE IS A DIFFERENCE between spring rolls and egg rolls. At least in my family there's a big difference. My mom's spring rolls were wrapped in circular extra thin spring roll wrappers (not rice paper like Banh Trang but just as thin with wheat and rice flour if I remember correctly, since the skins fried to a nice super crispy brown), and mom's ingredients were shredded cabbage, shredded carrots, and bean sprouts. That's it. Her egg rolls were wrapped in the more normal square type of roll wrappers (the Dynasty brand looks right to me) and the filling ingredients were basically the same pork stuffing as above for the won tons, plus shredded carrots and sprouts, and maybe a little cabbage. She made use of the same ingredients across the board, at any rate. That link to that other mother's wrapping techniques is solid as far as techniquing goes, so do all that but use my mom's filling instead. ;)

Oh - and as far as crab Rangoon goes, use the same technique as dolloping the filling for the won tons, except keep them in the triangle shape. The filling is basically shredded or stringed out imitation cwab mixed with cream cheese, but I prefer Neufchatel cheese (the Americanized version in the grocery stores, not the real deal from France) because it tastes slightly better imho, plus has less calories than regular cream cheese.

Do I miss my parents? Hell yeah, I miss them. Some days, seemingly at random, I get overwhelmed with the missing one or both of them, but that hasn't happened too much in the last few years since I keep seeing bits of them in how I do things - actions I take, phrasings I speak - and it's freaky in a mostly good way. I know that part of them is alive in me, so that's comforting. Plus my sister and her extended families are only 3 hours away (just down a very long street!), and I talked with her a few hours ago, so that was pretty cool. Didn't mention anything about the day but finally got to catch up some with life this and that.

Be sure to love your family (blood or not) while you're still around. It doesn't matter if they're still alive or not. What's important is that you maintain that tie. Trust me on that.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Turning 40

I'm turning 40. Forty. Four zero. This is happening in a few weeks. I did the maths the other day but screwed it up, so will just say whenever it's 5:13 PDT on the 29th, I'll officially celebrate my 40th year and start my 41st year. I am old.

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but will just mention a few of them because ain't nobody got time for rambling. I certainly have other plans anyway. (My Sims 3 addiction needs some nurturing.)

Salon has an article about my generation going through a midlife crisis here. I read it and was like, huh. I don't feel middle aged. I certainly don't look it since I keep getting carded. I think I may look like I'm up to 26 or 28 now, if I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I'm not in a midlife crisis, although on account of the turning 40 thing, I am examining my life as lived so far and weighing it with things I'd still like to accomplish. Long story short, I've been through an awful lot, and the best is yet to come!

You can stop reading now if you want to skip the details of all of that. Just sayin' since we're all pressed for time all of the time. Seems like that, anyway.

The article mentions that us Gen Xers don't really hit a wall of midlife crisis - we have crises throughout. I guess I can see that, although I've had crises throughout my life so far, not just this allegedly middle part. Let's see.... bad stresses and good stresses would be:

- my mom died when I was barely 15
- I had my first broken engagement at 20
- got married at 21
- got divorced at 22
- was diagnosed with endometriosis at 24
- got put on 2 meds for familial hypertension (thanks dad) when I was 25
- had my second broken engagement at 25
- remarried at 28
- was diagnosed with costochondritis and fibromyalgia at 28
- was tentatively diagnosed (not definitively via biopsy) with IgA nephritis before an actual factual diagnosis of stage 2A grade 3 triple negative breast cancer at age 30 (and I don't have either BRCA mutation!)
- my dad died when I was 32
- was diagnosed with gastritis, gastroparesis, an H. pylori infection (NOT FUN AND THE CURE WAS HORRIBLE), and Sjogren's Syndrome at 36
- had to quit working completely at 37
- went through 2 rounds of SSDI rejections (even though Sjogren's is on the list of "you're disabled if you have this because it sucks that much") but then was able to start working full time again (thanks to Deplin, Savella, and modafinil) at 38
- endured Very Interesting Job Things and family issues throughout all of this

I guess those would qualify as at least minor crises, huh?

Me unedited after a really great 80 minute
table massage this evening. So happy!!
At 39, there's still some weirdness going on, mainly with some eyesight issues but I get a recheck in November. I'm also going to ask my rheumatologist (assuming I remember next month) to check me for dermatomyositis and hypermobility syndrome, since that combo would explain both some skin issues plus my continually occasional rib subluxations (from the combo of muscle stiffness and loose joints).

You know, even with all of that, I still look awesome and way younger than my chronological age, or so everyone keeps telling me. Booyah!! I am pretty resigned to being carded for the rest of my life. I guess I don't look like I'm about 40 in that pic of me from tonight, but Awesome Massage Therapist kinda rubbed all of the makeup out of my face, so whatever. I really need to make myself get massages more often. I got in on the monthly Massage Envy prepaid deal the other year before the prices went up, so I really should keep that going. Guess I'll have to discipline myself with relaxation.

The Salon article mentions that "Xers are still in full construction mode" and that's really true. Hubby and I are consumed with our separate artistic interests (mostly graphite drawing for him though he's been dabbling in pastels and inks and other stuff; photography and writing for me). We're also unlike a lot of people our age in that we're happy to intentionally live in a nice apartment instead of a house because 1) we'd rather let someone else take care of home maintenance issues so we can do what we want to do, 2) property taxes are crazy stupid high here, and 3) it'd be nice to live outside of hot sweltering Texas one of these years so portability for the win! We also have no children, pets, or plants to worry about, although we've talked about caring for some sort of critter(s), like maybe a cat (Abyssinian for him, Nebelung for me) or dog (Scottie for him, Samoyed for me in a way less hot environment), or bunny, or guinea pigs (he misses his), or iguana (I miss mine!) or bearded dragons (I miss those too).

Hot flashing in Sept 2010. I was having a great
time with friends but this was NOT FUN.
It's nice being pretty unlimited with home things and critters not tying us down, but my health issues limit me more than I'd like. It's not really as bad as it used to be though, mainly as I'm much better at pacing myself these days. I can push myself at 75% of my previous full steam because I'm stubborn, plus the new med combo has helped me to work a 40 hour week for over a year now. I wasn't able to do that for the five years prior. I'm also really ecstatic that I haven't hot flashed freaky bad in a long while, thanks to realizing that the BCP I took non-stop for endometriosis was putting me into early menopause which got increasingly frighteningly worse each year. Seriously, looking at some old pics of me drenched in my own sweat in not hot weather is such a bummer, especially with remembering how drained and continually worn out I was, but I'm so glad I'm past that crappiness!! Yay for better living through chemistry!!

Full construction mode now is making me so happy since these days I'm surrounded by even more artistic people. What am I constructing? Eh, several books, a screenplay, eventually some music but definitely some photoey things soon, and who knows what else. You'll just have to pay attention and see. In the meantime, you can check out the awesome nerditry I help with via SCNS Live, now powered by Cinelinx!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I have a problem with my pants.

See, I have some pants that I've enjoyed wearing for.... what, maybe four years already? (Wowza, nice.) I'm now able to pull them down without undoing the zipper and wide thin hook catch dillie and button. Actually, I was able to do this last week, but it's kinda getting worse, and now I'm going to have to go shopping.

OH THE HORROR!!!

I loathe clothes shopping. Always have. Especially now that it's 107ish till October, I really hate it. Thank Buddha for elastic pants and laziness.

I'm down 8.2 pounds in 5 weeks, and I still have to eat 2 more required Points Plus for today, so I'mma have some booze. Yep, 2 shots of peach schnappes in diet cream soda, with my half-a-huge-cantaloupe. Tasty. I've had another 9.75 hour workday (I seem to be having a lot of those lately, which is great because I can do those again, but blargh, you know?) so I will deffo appreciate it.

In other news, it's runoff election day, and Texas has not disappointed me in the "we love tea!" category. (I hate tea. I not only dislike Tea Partiers in that they don't seem to enjoy rational conversation, but I actively dislike tea. Peach tea, green tea, apple tea, oolong tea with ginger, all that. I do not like tea. Since I'm half-asian, that makes me even more strange than most half-asians. I also dislike math, and I don't know how to play the violin other than having taken a class for one semester in college. I'm a bad asian. Woo, tangent.)

I'm worried about my cousin out in California and his new wife. They've been together for a while but haven't been married for too long, and she's having to play in Los Angeles traffic while he's starting treatment for acute myeloid leukemia. So far, so frustrating, and I hope it gets at least a little easier soon. I love how people mean so well when advising to do nutritional this and that because chemo destroys the immune system. Really, yes, but speaking as a cancer survivor, you've GOT to let the chemo work as medicine for a few days, otherwise the whole thing is a colossal and very expensive waste of time. I had to mention this on the Facespace, and also mentioned that my oncologist loved that I was seeing a nutritionist and taking Juice Plus supplements and getting massages in between treatments. I definitely felt much better when recovering from each session, and I'm glad I got the Western and alternative care I needed. I still worry about others having to go through the same and/or similar things, though.

How 'bout them Olympics? Yeah, I haven't watched any of it. I hear NBC has been pissing everyone off, but that's nothing new. They pissed me off years ago talking all over Bjork's incredible performance. She kinda had a wardrobe malfunction as the dress was supposed to unfold vertically as well (if memory serves me correctly), but it was still amazing to see. Here's that beauty unsullied by the commentary, because fuck those fucking fuckers.


Friday, November 11, 2011

Thoughts of today and long ago

Today (11/11/2011) at 11:11 am, hubby and I looked at otters online here, here, and here while waiting for Skyrim to install on his computer. We had to get a new graphics card for his computer, but no big whoop and the game looks gorgeous.

Today was also Nigel Tufnel Day, because hello, today was turned up to 11.

Today marked Veterans Day and I smiled at all of the thanks and memories floating across my Facebook feed. I was particularly happy to see that former U.S. Marine Scott Olsen (the guy critically injured at Occupy Oakland several weeks ago) is now out of the hospital. However, I was a bit disturbed to read an article mentioning his administrative discharge and website for Marines to vent about the Marine Corps. Mental health of our troops really needs to be addressed more than it is now. I know several retired military members who've had difficulties with PTSD and I worry for the families with relatives fighting overseas these days since they'll likely deal with it as well.

Thanks to the Vietnam War, my dad got to kick ass
in the air. I was born later in the year awarded so I like
to think I saved him from being more involved with it.
The mental thing brought my dad to mind. He retired many years ago from the U.S. Air Force as a Technical Sergeant and passed away in early 2006 from a hypertensive heart attack. This happened after a few years of not speaking to me or my sister, likely due to some form of dementia. The last time I saw him was in early 2004, and when he opened his door he saw bald-headed me rockin' a denim bucket hat next to my husband. He talked for a few seconds - basically hi and sorry I didn't get the door sooner but I was in the bathroom - and then he shut the door in my face. That was kind of a shocker, especially as we'd traveled 200 miles to see him (and others), but the antisocial behavior was expected so we left after a few seconds of standing there stunned.

When I was 9 or 10, he told me about something in our family turning people into agoraphobic hermits later in life, and how he didn't want "to go out like that." I'd figured this was what was going on, so was kinda comforted but was really sad that I couldn't do anything to help. I know he liked the care he was getting at the local VA hospital, since he'd expressed that to me when I was in high school. His medical records show that he was a mostly compliant patient but he skipped his last routine appointment if I remember correctly. From what we gathered, he decided to give up on life and rationalized killing himself without directly killing himself. He'd sold his car, and in a prominent place was a newspaper clipping featuring a red circle drawn around a good deal for a gravesite or funeral arrangements or something related anyway. His food consisted of Chinese delivery orders plus saltine crackers and canned chili ordered and delivered through Walgreens. The number of meticulously cleaned styrofoam containers and large cardboard boxes mailed to him astonished us.

I kinda wish I'd gotten his hard drives but I was too icked out to want to deal with any of his computer stuff then, since his body was found a few weeks after he died.* Normally I wouldn't have been fazed but at the time I was working in the disaster preparedness field relating to hospital bioterrorism, so things I'd learned about public health situations froze me a bit. It didn't occur to me until weeks later that I could've asked someone to take care of that for me, but everything in his apartment was long tossed or given away by then. I sometimes wonder if there was anything important on his computer that would explain what was going on in his mind. I'd thought about that at the time but my germaphobe brain rationalized that it was unlikely due to mental deterioration and no password laid out in obvious sight like the newspaper clipping. I still wonder about it though.

I also wonder if he just never recovered after losing mom to metastatic cervical cancer back in late 1988, even though he went on with his life. He dated two women for years, and one of them wanted to marry him but he refused to since he didn't want to get married again at all. We found that he'd saved a hairbrush (with some of mom's hair still in it) along with several other things, including old photos and a cassette tape that likely contained a recording of her voice. There were so many questions we couldn't answer about the whole situation, but we handled it as best as we could. It's definitely difficult to be there for someone when the someone keeps protective walls up for who knows what reasons. It's even more difficult when it's a family member and you've done all you possibly can to help.

This Veterans Day, I'm sad for the veterans who aren't receiving proper care whether on active duty or retired. There have been some improvements in the VA system but I still shudder when I think of stories I've heard over the years. To all veterans, thank you for your service, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need help. No one will think any less of you.

* I'll refrain from getting into the way grody details, even though that stuff fascinates me, but the rest of this is for anyone interested: I didn't go into his bedroom to see his body (hubby and brother-in-law insisted I stay back), and the only apparent funk was on the carpet where a foot was touching. He'd collapsed onto his bed after perhaps walking there from the living room, since the TV was on when the welfare check started. Thankfully, his apartment was well sealed, and there were no maggots even though it had been a few weeks since death occurred. That was a happy surprise.