"My wedding ring is off. Woo hoo!!" and other recent thoughts

Don't panic - I'm still married to the same guy (and if all goes well I will be getting something very shiny on our 11th wedding anniversary next weekend....unless I cave in and go before then for a test drive and the car dude I've been emailing with for two months smooth talks me into getting what I want to get that day but I'mma be so busy I don't know, and this weekend we're busy when they're open and they're closed when we're not and I'd rather have hubby there for "guy presence" in case the dealership guys try to take advantage of my fragile womanity... woo, tangent).

See, the Weight Watchers thing has been going fairly well, and after 120 days I've been plateauing at the 16 pounds lost mark. The last few weeks have been like .6 pounds down, .2 pounds down, 1 pound up, .6 pounds down, but I was sick one week and overcompensated last weekend due to having an appetite again, but I'm trending back down so hooray there. I've lost an inch off my belly, 3 inches off my hips, 1.25 inches off my thighs, 1/2 inch off my chest, a cup size off my boobs, 1/4 inch off my neck, and NOTHING off my arms. GRR STABBY with the arms but overall, not too shabby.

So yeah, the other night I was able to remove my wedding ring for the first time in 3 years, and I was pretty thrilled about it. I thoroughly cleaned it and noted that the inscription I got on the inside about 3 1/2 years ago was totally different than the one I thought I'd gotten (I didn't match hubby's inner inscription at all and I thought I did - whoops). Naturally, I put it back on after 5 minutes because the last time this happened, my fingers swelled up again, and sure enough, I can't get it off now, no matter how much I try to shrink my fingers with icy coldness. It's nice to know that the body is rearranging the real estate here and there, anyway.

In other news, I need to catch up with a lot of things, and I've been pondering about several things recently....being a different person over time, why rules exist, and how I'm going to branch out the brand of me. Branching out is pretty much figured out - one branch for health and wellness things, one branch for ottery things, one branch for writing things, one branch for photography things, and one branch for my general weirdness. I want to do some pretty expansive things in each of these areas, and I have a road map for where I want to go in each place. Laying down foundational groundwork has been taking up a lot of my energy the last few years, but I'm about at the point where I'm ready to cement all the bricks and cobblestones together and get to building up already. It feels like birthing a whole family at once.

Thinking about how people evolve over time has been intriguing me lately. Tonight hubby and I went to the place I worked at a year ago (he had an artist meeting for this neat commission he's doing), and thinking about how different life was and I was a year ago made me smile. I felt like crap from the Sjogren's, fibro, endo, not working, and being frustrated with the SSDI application process, and I was so grateful to get a church gig filing music and helping with orchestra books for 5 hours a week. Now, I've been able to work at least 40 hours a week since February/March (when I started on Deplin and Savella), I feel much better with the current twice-a-day drug parties (with the current prescription meds and supplements), and I haven't bothered to worry about disability since being able to work again (btw getting lots of health records for the third application round after being denied twice was pretty amazeballs).

Recently I thought about the notion that each cell in a person's body replenishes at such a rate that we all have a new body every 7 years, and thinking back to where I was 7, 14, and 21 years ago really wowed me, with noting aspects of my personality that have changed and aspects that have stayed the same and deepened. 21 years ago I was a freshman in college.14 years ago I was going from a broken engagement to another relationship. 7 years ago I went from the field of Catholic liturgy into the field of hospital-related disaster preparedness. Everything that I've been has been burbling and simmering into a lovely stew of sorts, and I feel almost congealed enough to be put in a mold and cool and set like flan. Except instead of being flan, I'd be building on all the foundations I've laid along the different branches of my life path. (Also, I would eat the shit out of the flan before it fully set. I'm just sayin'.)

The rules thing has been turning over in my brain for the last few days. Hubby said that rules are for when there are problems. He thinks I have a problem with being on the computer a lot. I have made it known on Facebook that I have a Sims 3 addiction, but I'm not so addicted that I'm playing 24/7 and forgetting to be hygenic and losing my job. I instituted a rule for myself that I won't play start playing Sims 3 after 10pm on a school night because I will lose track of time while playing and it'll be 2am before I know it. (Had to put in that clarification because this only applies to starting to play, not actually playing past 10. I was trying to hurry while writing this.) I usually don't get tired until about 1:15 am anyway but I'm like that whether I play Sims or not, so really, not a solely Sims-related problem, and I haven't broken the rule at all. Thing is, with being an introvert, I require more alone time than most people to replenish my energy (hubby's even more of an introvert so he gets that), and with having plenty of chronic autoimmune crap to deal with after I get done being distracted from how I feel with the mindbogglingly amazing days I have at work, I require even more down time than before, so hey, I tend to do what I'm doing for a good long while, and it happens to be computery things, whether Sims or photography stuff or reading online or Facebooking. Wow that was a long sentence.

He has a rule of "no Oreos in the house" because he will eat them all and then throw them up. That is a rule because of a problem. I maintain that rules can exist without necessarily having a problem attached. Like, there are road rules for people because established standards of how to do things is important. Yes some people have problems associated with driving, but that's not why the rules exist. The rules exist for safety more than they exist for problems. (Well, that's how it seems to be to me, anyway.) Weight Watchers has the Points Plus system for people who have a problem with food, BUT it can also be seen as a lifestyle change by people of any weight, so it's really the same as adopting new established standards for safety (health) reasons. Am I bullshitting myself with thinking this way? I'm not sure. I'm food enabled (breakfast and steak and chocolate and Chinese and Mediterranean especially), but I make better choices now and the effect is pleasing me and making me healthier. I also know musicians who know the rules of music theory and proceed to break them to... still... create music. A former occasional coworker of mine taught me to "know the rules, use the rules" and that's served me well a lot of times. So rules... are problems necessary to have them? I don't think so, but that's just, like my opinion, maaan.

Ishri Devi with her pregnant unicorn Shanti.
I love this game.

Ooh, it'll be 10pm soon. Off to the land of Appaloosa Plains, where the Sim I'm currently playing with (an incarnation of Lakshmi) is expecting one of her unicorns to foal any minute now. The foal may or may not be a unicorn as the father is a regular horse, but I'll see soon enough.

UPDATE - I know the  adage of "rules are made to be broken" is held by some people. Breaking rules usually results in non-pleasant consequences. I am totally okay with breaking SOME rules if the consequences are such that I can deal. Like, uh, starting to play Sims 3 at 10:03 last night, breaking my rule for the first time, knowing the consequence would be me starting my next day with a lack of sleep. Sure enough...but I'll deal. Because I'm a big girl. And I know better. :) Also, the foal was a unicorn, and since I'm going to be picky with breeding for this game, the unicorn foal went back to the wild (disappearing from the game forever). I have one Sim with 4 horsey creatures and only 6 beings are allowed in the household, so it's breed until I get a foal that I like, then put one regular horsey parent up for adoption so I can breed another foal, etc. So now I've put one up for adoption, adopted a different horse, and will be playing with breeding next time too. But as Carl says, "It don't matter. None of this matters."

Dammit, Linsanity should refer to ME!!!

NOTE: This is gonna take a while, so you might want to get some snacks.

Seriously, go get some snacks. I'm rambly in this post.

NOTE TWO: This also gets a bit TMI, so if you're squeamish, just skip the paragraph that starts with me rambling about being on Cipro. Or stop with the snacks then. You're welcome.

Why that title? Because within the last month and a half, I have not only lived more non-stop than I have in 10+ years, but have also been *able* to live more non-stop than I have in 10+ years.

See, I've dealt with fibromyalgia and endometriosis for 10+ years now, plus have been married (to the same guy!) for 10+ years, and life is greatly improved back to back in the day thanks to new meds and supplements I won't bore to list (except to say praise Shiva for NAC plus the serious cost-effectiveness of generic Deplin and Provigil).

So guess what's happened in the last month and a half?

Let's see... started new awesome job a week and a half before their centennial annual meeting (and fiscal year end, and if that's as stressed out as everyone gets at once then I am hella set as soon as life simmers down)....

Wait a sec. I should probably mention that I haven't been able to work a 40 hour work week since two jobs ago, since before I went to part-time in May 2007. (Yay for better living through chemistry!) I should probably also mention my fifth interview for my new job (phone, panel, boss, HR, boss's boss) started with getting to know some lovely women in a kinda cramped and stuffy restroom over 45 minutes while waiting for some tornadoes to pass overhead. (Everyone who was in there that I saw on my first day even remembered me when I was introduced around the building!)

I've also had the usual May Routine Doctor Appointment Slam-o-rama, except this has been freakin' nutso, even for me. Tomorrow will make the 11th appt in 4.5 weeks. This doesn't sound so bad, except that since I'm new, I can't take any accrued time off until mid-October (my six-month mark), and I'm getting to make up all the time I'm missing by staying late most days. (My new boss is so generously awesome with that, and with letting me adjust my hours to 8:30-5:30 because the stupid Sjogren's/fibro fatigue is so unpredictable and it's so much worse in hot weather and it's been 94ish for some days now and I get more puky than usual since I'm on Cipro... woo, tangent.)

Imagine, if you will, already trying-to-stay-not-so-fatigued me working a full work week, trying to keep working a 5 hr per week part-time job (and having to give that up, boo!), and seeing my primary care PA and rheumatologist and dermatologist and eye doctor and boob surgeon plus seeing some wonderful guys who work me with Active Release Techniques and sports therapy exercises in a non-woo evidence-based chiropractor office many many many many many times for the usual ribs popping out from new desk ergonomics and running way too non-stop in life. With a few evening massage appointments thrown in to help with the A.R.T. and chiro stuff. All within four weeks. While working extra to make up time. And learning LOTS of things on the job and making forms and tools to help me learn things. And I have eye doctor part two tomorrow.

Yeah, Linsanity should DEFINITELY apply to me more than that tall asian guy, dammit. One of my friends commented that it sounded like I was being chewed up like a dead hooker in a wood chipper. I thought this was pretty apt, except it'd have to be after being sliced and diced by my pimp. For reals.

Oh, and last week a relative in my immediate extended family passed away and I wasn't able to go to the funeral or graveside. I'd only seen him twice over the last 6-7 years but I have some great memories of him from when I was a wee bohemian, and he's very missed. I also had to officially give up (for now, dammit) my part-time job full of awesomeness that I'd missed doing for 6 years. Not only am I once again out in the liturgical cold, but I don't get my weekly dosage of awesome gayness. (There is fabulous gay, and there is awesome gay. I'm so friggin' sad about this, y'all.) Not only that, but working there helped me to realize that it was still possible for me to work and be productive in spite of craptastic health crap, and that did wonders with boosting my self-esteem and morale while faghagging. (There is also a definite probability that in the near future, previously kinda mentioned immediate family will meet up with other awesome gay in a business venture, so that's something I'm looking forward to when I can think about having energy again.)

Did I mention that I was in the presence of The Surgeon General of the United States on the same day I was in the presence of The Bloggess? Yeah, that was flippin' sweet! I'll have pics up someday. Check back around Yule. I might have something up then.

Oh yeah, breast cancer recurrence scare. I'm 8.5 years boob cancer free, and the type I had was stage IIA T2 N0 M0 grade 3 triple-negative. The last .5 year has been interesting with surprise spontaneous unilateral discharge (natually on my affected side) and ductogram and Aurora MRI, and let me tell you how amazing it is to talk with health insurance people when it takes 10 referrals before they, ahem, you find a place that does the special MRI that's needed, which was the place your surgeon's office tried to recommend in the first damn place the week prior but they would only talk with you instead of your physician's office. Also, let me share how spectacular it is when 15 different sets of customer service agents in various departments (Claims, I'm looking at you real hard) can't find your certificates of coverage that have been on file for more than a minute. All of these people are special in a really special way. (Note to self: make sure those idiots paid my pcp from that appt last May.)

(And that's special, not special. As in the state of being distinct, not the designation of a species.)

(Yes, my brain is a little tired. It's the feeling-like-crap from Cipro and adjusting pill-up times to avoid taking it with anything calcium/magnesium/aluminum. I couldn't even soak in epsom salts tonight because of my near-shortsightedness.)

Oh yeah, I'm on Cipro (TMI alert; skip to the next paragraph unless you like reading about bodily fluids) because the lump under my arm that I'd noticed that was alarmingly adjacent to a boob cancer scar almost two inches long thankfully turned out to be a sebaceous cyst (which is now an inch long but finally disappearing, yay). And because my boob discharge was alarmingly green after months of being strawish-clear. And because I have my first UTI in a very long while and it suuuuuuuucks. But finally, the Cipro is working because I'm back to strawish-clear boob ooze and starting to feel better while incredibly puky. I was quite pleased to hear from my cancer surgeon that (thanks to my photography) I'd documented the best case scenario for non-standard boob juicery, with it being green and coming out of multiple ducts (like 8 or 9 at the same time, this one time, which was freaky, and I know this because I was reading while sitting naked under a ceiling fan after a shower and noticed the dried evidence when I next saw myself in a mirror).

Oh, and I am apparently aging faster than I should, since my eyes are doing things that should be starting a few years from now, and I'm apparently in perimenopause now with all this gunk, so yay. I'm really flippin' old for 38. I'll be 39 in late August. And 40 next year. OMG 40. Next year. Hubby just turned 37. (Yes, in a row.) Last week. I'm old. Okay, happy thoughts needed stat so here's some nerd love.

In really happy news, I'm so pleased (and many many other adjectives) about season 3 of The Variants. (OMG dudes, they have a Wikipedia page! Someone should add Joe as a producer sometime. Just sayin'.) Hubby and I helped make season 3 happen via Kickstarter! I'm also excited about the upcoming Stella B. and the Busted League and really happy to see The Untitled Super Cool Nerd Show on air. Dallas totally rules the nerd landscape, you people. I'd go on about Dallas Comic Con and other stuff but nah. I'm off to play Sims 3 and calm my mind a little, since my brain is tired. The game I've been playing for the last month or so is in Hidden Springs, and the local unicorn had a habit of showing up at my sims' home until it got adopted, and one time when one sim was fishing, the other came by to hang out since the unicorn was there, and they both got blessed by the unicorn, and they were already engaged so they decided to have a private wedding, and so now I have two very happily married (and hot) lesbian sims with two dogs and a stray cat that adopted them plus the unicorn which was totally cool with joining the household. My Sims are honeyadventurooning in France right now. Gotta keep them away from that damn cat. I swear, that cat is so cute that they play with it instead of going to sleep or eating or whatever. Stupid cuteness.

You know, I'm not even going to bother reading over this and editing anything. 'Cos I'm Linsane, y'all.

Okay, I changed my mind and added a few links, and while proofreading my husband asked me if I was on a Mormon site.

Whaa?

Because he saw the flowers, and he thinks that Mormon websites are apparently full of flowers. Excuse me, *I* took that photo in the background (and he knows this and he knows I'm not Mormon), and it's all watery reflection of trees and non-blossoming lotus paddery so Not Full Of Flowers. I told him he was mean. Because I'm cranky. And need to be playing Sims 3 for 30 minutes before bedtime. And need to be taking my evening meds with a nom glass of Silk Dark Chocolate Almond Milk because screw Cipro, it's time for calcium. Mmm.... meds.

Also, please don't take that as a slam against Mormons. I've had Mormon friends since high school plus we have a Book of Mormon somewhere on one of our bookshelves (along with a Qur'an, the Jefferson Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, and other sacred scribblings), so don't start any shit. Thanks.

So many great things happening!!!

These are my flavors of interesting. Click to embiggen.

So many great things are happening, with meeting new people on Facebook and at the huge new AT&T store (more on that later) and having great phone interviews leading to in-person job interviewing for two hours later this week!! I figured I'd make one of these to illustrate myself to people getting to know me outside of random online jibba-jibba, whether they've known me for 20+ years or 2 days. It sums things up very nicely, really.

See, I'm very ottery and smiley and happy, as far as everyone who sees me is concerned. I also look way younger than I actually am (I'm turning 39 in a few months but apparently still look 28-32), so used the perfect young asian otter image from Das Otterhaus even though I'd be a North American River Otter (NARO) if I was an otter. However, on the inside I have the huge-eyed stare of a tarsier because I'm adjusting to new meds, amazed at the stupidity I see expressed on the internet, playing Sims 3 for 5 hours straight, etc.

I'd love to spend most of my days doing wildlife and nature photography (ideally for National Geographic, with incredible shots like Bruce Dale does there) and getting deep tissue massages, but I have to worry from hour to hour on what I'm able to do on any given day since I tend to overdo things when I'm feeling back to my old normal. I'm doing way better with pacing myself still and knowing my limits (the newish normal I've found after the Sjogren's Syndrome diagnosis), but the new meds have been helping me to feel outstanding when I'm awake, and I'm awake for entire days again, and this makes me SOHAPPYOMGCANYOUBELIEVETHIS?!?? (Side note: the Cymbalta withdrawal brain zaps are much better but today I'm dizzy and puky-feeling and need to crash because of crappy sleep from a 30 degree temperature drop. Also, sleep has sucked for the last two nights due to having to take down my blackout curtains due to some weak plaster and a wonky outlet breaker issue. Long stories. Don't ask.) Oh, and the pain cycle image is from this very well written page.

My typical attitude is me feeling all wise and awesome like an elephant while being enveloped by a non-normal living environment (health crap) yet trudging along as best as I can anyway. If the elephant in the photo can have fun daily swims, dammit, I can too, figuratively speaking. Or something. Crap it's almost 3pm and I need to eat lunch. (See? Overdoing it again, but stopping soon, really. Woo, tangent.) My ideal future for years has been opening up a fine art shop in New Mexico for selling my photography and hubby's art, but now it's grown more specific with wanting to do that plus farm Chimayo chiles in Chimayo (those chiles are so amazing, you guys, like omg, you guys). Having a little cafe there too would be pretty spiffy, since my brother-in-law has this chili spice blend that's incredible, and I need me more of that and more green Chimayo chile powder for cooking (it's seasonal and the Rancho de Chimayo is out of stock, per their website).

So. There it is. I'mma eat a really late lunch now then crash for a bit, and then organize music, and then come home and figure out more of how to work my new Samsung Galaxy Note, and then and then and then... Oh, Claude (my old iPhone 3GS, named after Claude Debussy) is death rattling very constantly now, with buzzing like the sound off/on switch is being flipped but with no one touching it and me staring at it from across a room. It's disconcerting. I need to put some of the contacts in Audrey (my new phone, named after Audrey Kawasaki) and download some apps and more, but not right now.

OH - and I had the best day yesterday with meeting up with an old friend, and eating freaking incredible food (both the ravioli and Guinness ice cream were like ambrosia, y'all), and visiting cute local shops, and basking while inhaling the smells of an old bookstore, and okay I'm really going now, damn.

OMG. O.M.F.G.

The movers are hauling our big stuff over to the new place in three days and we are not ready for that yet. Not fully. So much stuff.... so much crappy little stuff... aaaah!!!!!

Lots of incredibly annoying and very wonderful things have happened lately. Here's what I can think of to relate at the moment due to brain-dead mind:

- Played phone tag with hubby's health insurance company for a solid week re: location and authorization for a procedure on a special machine

- Had health procedure, which went mostly smoothly except for the machine stopping before the testing was finished (naturally this was the first time ever that this had happened with the machine), and am waiting for results

- Got a few nibbles and a few rejections re: full time jobs

- Indirectly got hubby another art gig via holiday card awesomesauce

- Got hubby a replacement wedding band two sizes smaller due to him losing 20-25 pounds from free weights and eating more healthfully (he's discovered he likes at least three types of apples plus very badly wants to try a ripe apricot! major fruit progress!)

- Lost a few pounds then gained it back from not sleeping much or well and snacking more on delicious chocolate-toffee goodness

- Saw one of my Sims adopt a wild horse and am happy that he's making progress with inviting the local raven unicorn into his household

- Got very pissed that Dublin Dr Pepper is no longer being made on account of corporate douchebaggery

- Decided I need to get the Samsung Galaxy Note when it hits, instead of waiting for the iPhone 5

That's all for now. Back to packing in a few minutes.