So many great things happening!!!

These are my flavors of interesting. Click to embiggen.

So many great things are happening, with meeting new people on Facebook and at the huge new AT&T store (more on that later) and having great phone interviews leading to in-person job interviewing for two hours later this week!! I figured I'd make one of these to illustrate myself to people getting to know me outside of random online jibba-jibba, whether they've known me for 20+ years or 2 days. It sums things up very nicely, really.

See, I'm very ottery and smiley and happy, as far as everyone who sees me is concerned. I also look way younger than I actually am (I'm turning 39 in a few months but apparently still look 28-32), so used the perfect young asian otter image from Das Otterhaus even though I'd be a North American River Otter (NARO) if I was an otter. However, on the inside I have the huge-eyed stare of a tarsier because I'm adjusting to new meds, amazed at the stupidity I see expressed on the internet, playing Sims 3 for 5 hours straight, etc.

I'd love to spend most of my days doing wildlife and nature photography (ideally for National Geographic, with incredible shots like Bruce Dale does there) and getting deep tissue massages, but I have to worry from hour to hour on what I'm able to do on any given day since I tend to overdo things when I'm feeling back to my old normal. I'm doing way better with pacing myself still and knowing my limits (the newish normal I've found after the Sjogren's Syndrome diagnosis), but the new meds have been helping me to feel outstanding when I'm awake, and I'm awake for entire days again, and this makes me SOHAPPYOMGCANYOUBELIEVETHIS?!?? (Side note: the Cymbalta withdrawal brain zaps are much better but today I'm dizzy and puky-feeling and need to crash because of crappy sleep from a 30 degree temperature drop. Also, sleep has sucked for the last two nights due to having to take down my blackout curtains due to some weak plaster and a wonky outlet breaker issue. Long stories. Don't ask.) Oh, and the pain cycle image is from this very well written page.

My typical attitude is me feeling all wise and awesome like an elephant while being enveloped by a non-normal living environment (health crap) yet trudging along as best as I can anyway. If the elephant in the photo can have fun daily swims, dammit, I can too, figuratively speaking. Or something. Crap it's almost 3pm and I need to eat lunch. (See? Overdoing it again, but stopping soon, really. Woo, tangent.) My ideal future for years has been opening up a fine art shop in New Mexico for selling my photography and hubby's art, but now it's grown more specific with wanting to do that plus farm Chimayo chiles in Chimayo (those chiles are so amazing, you guys, like omg, you guys). Having a little cafe there too would be pretty spiffy, since my brother-in-law has this chili spice blend that's incredible, and I need me more of that and more green Chimayo chile powder for cooking (it's seasonal and the Rancho de Chimayo is out of stock, per their website).

So. There it is. I'mma eat a really late lunch now then crash for a bit, and then organize music, and then come home and figure out more of how to work my new Samsung Galaxy Note, and then and then and then... Oh, Claude (my old iPhone 3GS, named after Claude Debussy) is death rattling very constantly now, with buzzing like the sound off/on switch is being flipped but with no one touching it and me staring at it from across a room. It's disconcerting. I need to put some of the contacts in Audrey (my new phone, named after Audrey Kawasaki) and download some apps and more, but not right now.

OH - and I had the best day yesterday with meeting up with an old friend, and eating freaking incredible food (both the ravioli and Guinness ice cream were like ambrosia, y'all), and visiting cute local shops, and basking while inhaling the smells of an old bookstore, and okay I'm really going now, damn.

Thoughts of today and long ago

Today (11/11/2011) at 11:11 am, hubby and I looked at otters online here, here, and here while waiting for Skyrim to install on his computer. We had to get a new graphics card for his computer, but no big whoop and the game looks gorgeous.

Today was also Nigel Tufnel Day, because hello, today was turned up to 11.

Today marked Veterans Day and I smiled at all of the thanks and memories floating across my Facebook feed. I was particularly happy to see that former U.S. Marine Scott Olsen (the guy critically injured at Occupy Oakland several weeks ago) is now out of the hospital. However, I was a bit disturbed to read an article mentioning his administrative discharge and website for Marines to vent about the Marine Corps. Mental health of our troops really needs to be addressed more than it is now. I know several retired military members who've had difficulties with PTSD and I worry for the families with relatives fighting overseas these days since they'll likely deal with it as well.

Thanks to the Vietnam War, my dad got to kick ass
in the air. I was born later in the year awarded so I like
to think I saved him from being more involved with it.

The mental thing brought my dad to mind. He retired many years ago from the U.S. Air Force as a Technical Sergeant and passed away in early 2006 from a hypertensive heart attack. This happened after a few years of not speaking to me or my sister, likely due to some form of dementia. The last time I saw him was in early 2004, and when he opened his door he saw bald-headed me rockin' a denim bucket hat next to my husband. He talked for a few seconds - basically hi and sorry I didn't get the door sooner but I was in the bathroom - and then he shut the door in my face. That was kind of a shocker, especially as we'd traveled 200 miles to see him (and others), but the antisocial behavior was expected so we left after a few seconds of standing there stunned.

When I was 9 or 10, he told me about something in our family turning people into agoraphobic hermits later in life, and how he didn't want "to go out like that." I'd figured this was what was going on, so was kinda comforted but was really sad that I couldn't do anything to help. I know he liked the care he was getting at the local VA hospital, since he'd expressed that to me when I was in high school. His medical records show that he was a mostly compliant patient but he skipped his last routine appointment if I remember correctly. From what we gathered, he decided to give up on life and rationalized killing himself without directly killing himself. He'd sold his car, and in a prominent place was a newspaper clipping featuring a red circle drawn around a good deal for a gravesite or funeral arrangements or something related anyway. His food consisted of Chinese delivery orders plus saltine crackers and canned chili ordered and delivered through Walgreens. The number of meticulously cleaned styrofoam containers and large cardboard boxes mailed to him astonished us.

I kinda wish I'd gotten his hard drives but I was too icked out to want to deal with any of his computer stuff then, since his body was found a few weeks after he died.* Normally I wouldn't have been fazed but at the time I was working in the disaster preparedness field relating to hospital bioterrorism, so things I'd learned about public health situations froze me a bit. It didn't occur to me until weeks later that I could've asked someone to take care of that for me, but everything in his apartment was long tossed or given away by then. I sometimes wonder if there was anything important on his computer that would explain what was going on in his mind. I'd thought about that at the time but my germaphobe brain rationalized that it was unlikely due to mental deterioration and no password laid out in obvious sight like the newspaper clipping. I still wonder about it though.

I also wonder if he just never recovered after losing mom to metastatic cervical cancer back in late 1988, even though he went on with his life. He dated two women for years, and one of them wanted to marry him but he refused to since he didn't want to get married again at all. We found that he'd saved a hairbrush (with some of mom's hair still in it) along with several other things, including old photos and a cassette tape that likely contained a recording of her voice. There were so many questions we couldn't answer about the whole situation, but we handled it as best as we could. It's definitely difficult to be there for someone when the someone keeps protective walls up for who knows what reasons. It's even more difficult when it's a family member and you've done all you possibly can to help.

This Veterans Day, I'm sad for the veterans who aren't receiving proper care whether on active duty or retired. There have been some improvements in the VA system but I still shudder when I think of stories I've heard over the years. To all veterans, thank you for your service, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need help. No one will think any less of you.

* I'll refrain from getting into the way grody details, even though that stuff fascinates me, but the rest of this is for anyone interested: I didn't go into his bedroom to see his body (hubby and brother-in-law insisted I stay back), and the only apparent funk was on the carpet where a foot was touching. He'd collapsed onto his bed after perhaps walking there from the living room, since the TV was on when the welfare check started. Thankfully, his apartment was well sealed, and there were no maggots even though it had been a few weeks since death occurred. That was a happy surprise.

Names are very important. Yes.

Exhibit A: Screenshot of
late afternoon otter talk

I've been meaning to address a name issue for a little while and am finally doing so now as I've found the reference I've been searching for. In this reference (see Exhibit A: Screenshot of late afternoon otter talk), mention was made of pup 540 at the Monterey Bay Aquarium hopefully getting a proper name in short order. A happy German asian small-clawed otter celebrity remarked that "all otters should have proper names! Where I come from (Aquazoo) we do get names. Yes."

Nemo is adorable, and of course his sentiments are something hubby and I have worked into conversations more and more. Like, "I think we should have fish for dinner. Yes.", etc. Notice that I've blued out the last part of my name - that's because I use my maiden and married names on Facebook, mainly as I never use my husband's last name otherwise. I'm not sure if he'd like to be well known on this blog since he's more of an introvert than I am, so I've greened his name out. For all intents and purposes, my legal name is pretty much obviously obvious in this blog's url, so I'm not hiding who I am, I'm just sharing my more personal side under a different name in the Facebook screenshots. Just wanted to clear that up for anyone wondering.

Speaking of the importance of names, descriptions are also very important, especially when people are involved (more so than inanimate objects anyway, even though Ikea has done a great job with naming their products). Yes. Like how hubby is an INTP and I'm an INFJ (unless he's temporarily INFP and I'm temporarily ENFJ). Like how the Texas Rangers are the 2010 and 2011 ALCS Champions. (Hopefully they'll be the 2011 World Series Champions as well; it's 1-1 with the St. Louis Cardinals at present. This is a Very Important Thing here in North Texas, this description.) Like Nancy Upton is not the Next Big Thing but doesn't need to be since she's perfectly awesome as she is. If you're not familiar with the name Nancy Upton or the whole Next Big Thing thing, educate yourself here. And swoon over her hotness here and here. You're welcome.