I'm turning 40. Forty. Four zero. This is happening in a few weeks. I did the maths the other day but screwed it up, so will just say whenever it's 5:13 PDT on the 29th, I'll officially celebrate my 40th year and start my 41st year. I am old.
I have a lot of thoughts about this, but will just mention a few of them because ain't nobody got time for rambling. I certainly have other plans anyway. (My Sims 3 addiction needs some nurturing.)
Salon has an article about my generation going through a midlife crisis here. I read it and was like, huh. I don't feel middle aged. I certainly don't look it since I keep getting carded. I think I may look like I'm up to 26 or 28 now, if I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I'm not in a midlife crisis, although on account of the turning 40 thing, I am examining my life as lived so far and weighing it with things I'd still like to accomplish. Long story short, I've been through an awful lot, and the best is yet to come!
You can stop reading now if you want to skip the details of all of that. Just sayin' since we're all pressed for time all of the time. Seems like that, anyway.
The article mentions that us Gen Xers don't really hit a wall of midlife crisis - we have crises throughout. I guess I can see that, although I've had crises throughout my life so far, not just this allegedly middle part. Let's see.... bad stresses and good stresses would be:
- my mom died when I was barely 15
- I had my first broken engagement at 20
- got married at 21
- got divorced at 22
- was diagnosed with endometriosis at 24
- got put on 2 meds for familial hypertension (thanks dad) when I was 25
- had my second broken engagement at 25
- remarried at 28
- was diagnosed with costochondritis and fibromyalgia at 28
- was tentatively diagnosed (not definitively via biopsy) with IgA nephritis before an actual factual diagnosis of stage 2A grade 3 triple negative breast cancer at age 30 (and I don't have either BRCA mutation!)
- my dad died when I was 32
- was diagnosed with gastritis, gastroparesis, an H. pylori infection (NOT FUN AND THE CURE WAS HORRIBLE), and Sjogren's Syndrome at 36
- had to quit working completely at 37
- went through 2 rounds of SSDI rejections (even though Sjogren's is on the list of "you're disabled if you have this because it sucks that much") but then was able to start working full time again (thanks to Deplin, Savella, and modafinil) at 38
- endured Very Interesting Job Things and family issues throughout all of this
I guess those would qualify as at least minor crises, huh?
At 39, there's still some weirdness going on, mainly with some eyesight issues but I get a recheck in November. I'm also going to ask my rheumatologist (assuming I remember next month) to check me for dermatomyositis and hypermobility syndrome, since that combo would explain both some skin issues plus my continually occasional rib subluxations (from the combo of muscle stiffness and loose joints).
You know, even with all of that, I still look awesome and way younger than my chronological age, or so everyone keeps telling me. Booyah!! I am pretty resigned to being carded for the rest of my life. I guess I don't look like I'm about 40 in that pic of me from tonight, but Awesome Massage Therapist kinda rubbed all of the makeup out of my face, so whatever. I really need to make myself get massages more often. I got in on the monthly Massage Envy prepaid deal the other year before the prices went up, so I really should keep that going. Guess I'll have to discipline myself with relaxation.
The Salon article mentions that "Xers are still in full construction mode" and that's really true. Hubby and I are consumed with our separate artistic interests (mostly graphite drawing for him though he's been dabbling in pastels and inks and other stuff; photography and writing for me). We're also unlike a lot of people our age in that we're happy to intentionally live in a nice apartment instead of a house because 1) we'd rather let someone else take care of home maintenance issues so we can do what we want to do, 2) property taxes are crazy stupid high here, and 3) it'd be nice to live outside of hot sweltering Texas one of these years so portability for the win! We also have no children, pets, or plants to worry about, although we've talked about caring for some sort of critter(s), like maybe a cat (Abyssinian for him, Nebelung for me) or dog (Scottie for him, Samoyed for me in a way less hot environment), or bunny, or guinea pigs (he misses his), or iguana (I miss mine!) or bearded dragons (I miss those too).
It's nice being pretty unlimited with home things and critters not tying us down, but my health issues limit me more than I'd like. It's not really as bad as it used to be though, mainly as I'm much better at pacing myself these days. I can push myself at 75% of my previous full steam because I'm stubborn, plus the new med combo has helped me to work a 40 hour week for over a year now. I wasn't able to do that for the five years prior. I'm also really ecstatic that I haven't hot flashed freaky bad in a long while, thanks to realizing that the BCP I took non-stop for endometriosis was putting me into early menopause which got increasingly frighteningly worse each year. Seriously, looking at some old pics of me drenched in my own sweat in not hot weather is such a bummer, especially with remembering how drained and continually worn out I was, but I'm so glad I'm past that crappiness!! Yay for better living through chemistry!!
Full construction mode now is making me so happy since these days I'm surrounded by even more artistic people. What am I constructing? Eh, several books, a screenplay, eventually some music but definitely some photoey things soon, and who knows what else. You'll just have to pay attention and see. In the meantime, you can check out the awesome nerditry I help with via SCNS Live, now powered by Cinelinx!
I have a lot of thoughts about this, but will just mention a few of them because ain't nobody got time for rambling. I certainly have other plans anyway. (My Sims 3 addiction needs some nurturing.)
Salon has an article about my generation going through a midlife crisis here. I read it and was like, huh. I don't feel middle aged. I certainly don't look it since I keep getting carded. I think I may look like I'm up to 26 or 28 now, if I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure I'm not in a midlife crisis, although on account of the turning 40 thing, I am examining my life as lived so far and weighing it with things I'd still like to accomplish. Long story short, I've been through an awful lot, and the best is yet to come!
You can stop reading now if you want to skip the details of all of that. Just sayin' since we're all pressed for time all of the time. Seems like that, anyway.
The article mentions that us Gen Xers don't really hit a wall of midlife crisis - we have crises throughout. I guess I can see that, although I've had crises throughout my life so far, not just this allegedly middle part. Let's see.... bad stresses and good stresses would be:
- my mom died when I was barely 15
- I had my first broken engagement at 20
- got married at 21
- got divorced at 22
- was diagnosed with endometriosis at 24
- got put on 2 meds for familial hypertension (thanks dad) when I was 25
- had my second broken engagement at 25
- remarried at 28
- was diagnosed with costochondritis and fibromyalgia at 28
- was tentatively diagnosed (not definitively via biopsy) with IgA nephritis before an actual factual diagnosis of stage 2A grade 3 triple negative breast cancer at age 30 (and I don't have either BRCA mutation!)
- my dad died when I was 32
- was diagnosed with gastritis, gastroparesis, an H. pylori infection (NOT FUN AND THE CURE WAS HORRIBLE), and Sjogren's Syndrome at 36
- had to quit working completely at 37
- went through 2 rounds of SSDI rejections (even though Sjogren's is on the list of "you're disabled if you have this because it sucks that much") but then was able to start working full time again (thanks to Deplin, Savella, and modafinil) at 38
- endured Very Interesting Job Things and family issues throughout all of this
I guess those would qualify as at least minor crises, huh?
 |
| Me unedited after a really great 80 minute table massage this evening. So happy!! |
You know, even with all of that, I still look awesome and way younger than my chronological age, or so everyone keeps telling me. Booyah!! I am pretty resigned to being carded for the rest of my life. I guess I don't look like I'm about 40 in that pic of me from tonight, but Awesome Massage Therapist kinda rubbed all of the makeup out of my face, so whatever. I really need to make myself get massages more often. I got in on the monthly Massage Envy prepaid deal the other year before the prices went up, so I really should keep that going. Guess I'll have to discipline myself with relaxation.
The Salon article mentions that "Xers are still in full construction mode" and that's really true. Hubby and I are consumed with our separate artistic interests (mostly graphite drawing for him though he's been dabbling in pastels and inks and other stuff; photography and writing for me). We're also unlike a lot of people our age in that we're happy to intentionally live in a nice apartment instead of a house because 1) we'd rather let someone else take care of home maintenance issues so we can do what we want to do, 2) property taxes are crazy stupid high here, and 3) it'd be nice to live outside of hot sweltering Texas one of these years so portability for the win! We also have no children, pets, or plants to worry about, although we've talked about caring for some sort of critter(s), like maybe a cat (Abyssinian for him, Nebelung for me) or dog (Scottie for him, Samoyed for me in a way less hot environment), or bunny, or guinea pigs (he misses his), or iguana (I miss mine!) or bearded dragons (I miss those too).
 |
| Hot flashing in Sept 2010. I was having a great time with friends but this was NOT FUN. |
Full construction mode now is making me so happy since these days I'm surrounded by even more artistic people. What am I constructing? Eh, several books, a screenplay, eventually some music but definitely some photoey things soon, and who knows what else. You'll just have to pay attention and see. In the meantime, you can check out the awesome nerditry I help with via SCNS Live, now powered by Cinelinx!
